After Dark
Days of endless struggle
More hopeful of pills today
Trying to appear ‘normal’
At least in some sort of say.
It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn’t be here now
If guilt would leave me be
I know there’s been many
Who’ve had it worse than I
But that doesn’t always mean
That I wouldn’t say Good Bye
People say I have a lot going in me
I’m sorry, but I just can’t see
I can’t see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but is inside of me.
Always on a roller coaster,
Not much of consistency
I’m nothing if I’m not up or down
I’m nothing if I’m just ‘me’
Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I’m made of lead
Wanting to be exciting
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It’s hard to focus on the poor
Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It’s hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much
I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can’t do anything right
This is how I’ve felt my whole life
It didn’t just start last night
No confidence, no self esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to ‘sit tight’
Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them All
Living seems like a roll of the dice.
