Chapter 2: Nothing Lasts forever
This story is a part of the series called Alone. Please read the first chapter here: The Playground!
Why falling in love is beautiful? Because you didn’t have this before and getting a new feeling, a new company. Together you are building something new, something which is special, somethings that belongs to just you two. And why losing it is tough? At least before falling in love, you didn’t know this feeling, this company, this person. Now, suddenly after getting used to this new beauty of life, you don’t have it. You feel something missing, a bit of a hollow somewhere.
It is the same thing that gives even a beggar the strength to smile every day but pushed investors and brokers into suicides after Black Friday.
I remember that day very clearly. Like everyday, I ran back from school to the playground. I couldn’t find her there. Everyone was there. But, she wasn’t. I thought she must be late, so, I waited. I think I was very hurt. I was sure she wanted to be there. I dragged my feet home, but, ran back to the ground from school again the next day. She was not there again. I thought she must have gone away with her parents on some trip. I ran back to the playground every single day, every day with more belief to find her. I would look for signs, look for someone with her kind of hair, someone wearing something like her. Now, not only at the playground, I was searching for her almost everywhere, almost all the time. She was never there. I hoped it was not me. It was not me who had turned her away, scared her away. Somehow I learned not to run to the playground every day. I was learning to hide my disappointments and frustrations like older people. With time I missed her more. I stopped meeting friends, I stopped making friends. I didn’t have much friends anyway. I didn’t like them anyway. I just missed her. I don’t know if love does this to you. But, I had lost taste of any other kind of human interaction. Running around with other kids, indulging in their games, I felt like an adult, needing a lot of effort to blend in, to feel excited about things that excited them. Suddenly, I was a different kid.
I had learned to spend days closed inside my house. Even when we moved to new places, I didn’t want to meet other kids or make much friends. Thankfully, the newer places we went to were bigger cities, with taller building and no playgrounds. I loved school, and I loved the games, my parents would play with me on TV, on the computer. I don’t remember if they knew or understood, probably they did, probably not! But, they were very nice to me. Unlike the other kids, my parents were like friends to me. They wanted to hear everything I had to say. They loved every game I wanted to play, every book I wanted to read. They would take me out and show me places around the city. We would go the Museums, Movies, exhibitions, book fairs. We would even go to the superstore together. I loved being towed around on that trolley. I will hold the bucket of my favorite ice-cream safely while my dad would steer the trolley through the alleys.
Slowly, at what point I don’t remember, I forgot about her completely. Maybe in life, we do overcome everything. My loving parents, gave me love more than my fair share. I think that helped.
I grew up watching a lot of TV, reading a lot of novels and doing everything that I could do on my own! I think, the stories and plots everywhere had this romance at the center which makes the protagonist better than they are, after they met that someone special. Completely absorbed by this notion, even though I had forgotten her, I was always in search of my soul-mate. If you think about it, it was more hurtful than bereavement or a break-up or any such loss. I didn’t have a face or a picture to direct my sobbing at. It was like a big vacant space somewhere and nothing around that could fill in. And life as you know, many times, makes you feel incompetent, unfit and everything that might not be true. Every such moments in my life, when the life had victory over my naive heart and this novice soul, I was reminded of the vacant space!
But, by now the riches of love was just history. I had slowly become that beggar who knew that the riches of love is really not essential. It’s beautiful but really not essential. But, even the beggar spends the day dreaming what he could own. I spent my days and nights conjuring up stories of how the footsteps of love would sound like. But, life’s that damsel (change word) who is fresh and new every day. You can’t predict her. Being with her is hell of a ride! If you don’t think so, you haven’t noticed her, which often happens when you are with someone for this long a time. I hadn’t believed this either, till mine decided to surprise me. And what a surprise!
This story is a part of the series called Alone. The next chapter is: The Surprise!
