Gossip and Stalking — Part 2 — The Deconstruction of Relationships

Before we talk about the deconstruction of relationships, I want to point out a few things about relationships we may take for granted.

Relationships are a lot of work. Sometimes relationships are a lot more work, and other times there’s a lot of ease but either way it’s not a passive process.

Not all stalkers are passive. What I’m describing here is reflective of the stalker that we’ve dealt with. In our case, we have been dealing with an individual who has extreme passive aggressive tendencies.

A big part of our process has resulted in what I call the deconstruction of relationships through gossip, manipulation, leveraging private information and a variety if betrayals. With a stalker like ours, a large part of the process includes anything that you’re not directly paying attention to is subject to manipulation, deconstruction, destruction.

What this translates into means any effort you’ve made in building and maintaining your relationships will be undone the minute you’re not looking directly at it.

Well I think we take for granted to some degree or another, a kind of comfort that comes with a relationship where there is solid amount of understanding and trust.

That space where we know we can rely on the people around us for a respectable amount of trust, we can grow think about ourselves do things that maybe we couldn’t normally do.

The majority of time and effort being put into relationships is non-material. The effort is your energy, your attention, your focus, your care, and concern and your happiness. Even in the most hectic of relationships, giving just a small amount of these things will yield returns in some way or another.

Now it is not lost on me that what I might be describing is a bit of a fantasy for some people because in reality I think life, and most relationships are a lot more chaotic, even in the happiest of homes.

I’m thinking of the brief spaces between moments where this kind of scenario is palpable with the people and family in your life.

As someone who has had a great deal of chaos in their life, those moments may be rare but they do exist.

The Foundation for Relationship Deconstruction

The previous article describes the ground work for the deconstruction of relationships through gossip as a tool of information gathering. I have known other people who have gone through similar experiences. So, I’m not alone in this.

After a group has been thoroughly primed by gossip it’s easy to manipulate suggest and set up further circumstances to ‘keep the drama’ going.

This is Manipulation 101. The more that you are aware of this Dynamic the more you can do something about it.

You don’t have to be held hostage to this dynamic, your relationships don’t have to be destroyed, misunderstandings do not have to break yours and your loved ones hearts.

Personally I feel that the heartache was a way to literally break someone so that then you can manipulate them further. Yes that’s my amazingly positive outlook showing… but, just sayin…

Should you be unconscious in this process it is more likely that you and your relationships could end up being emotional road kill to this process. Not all relationships let alone married couples, friendships, and sibling based relationships can survive this type of gossip.

Lies and Untruths as an Isolation Tactic

Along with this lovely dynamic can come false information and lies that may be used to spread against you and you may have to overcome a mountain of untruths in the process. But as they say in football ‘a good offense is the best defense.’

People who accuse someone of something whether it’s false or not, force a person to overcome it by exposing themselves sharing the real information with the accuser. When you are on the defensive against accusations, people feel sharing all information to prove it in 100% absolute ways to clear them of the stench of any accusation.

That is the best information gathering tactic used by stalkers, manipulators. This tactic brings the added bonus of emotional abuse. You get to isolate that person and cause them whatever degree of pain being abused as well as having the possibility of broken relationships.

The reality is is that even if all of the above happens with both accusations and the following exposure with everything being proved false to favor the accused through the reality of truth… the stench of accusation does not really go away, gossip or otherwise.

At least not until the accuser or in our case are stalker has to demonstrate why they feel their accusations are valid. The accuser should have to expose why they think what they think and what evidence they have… shouldn’t they?

So as I walk down this very long and winding road of this part of our story…as you can see the effects of gossip on a group of gossip on individuals takes you down a serious mental and emotional rabbit hole that if you are not careful.

In case you haven’t noticed, the relationship destruction is this entire process from gossip to facing falsehoods and pretenses.

Once gossip and falsehoods step into the process, even the most clear truths can appear false.

You may not even be completely aware but if you are dealing with something like this, take it seriously.