Stalking and the Tyranny of One Sided Learning — Part 1

You didn’t see that coming…

One of the by products of surviving a longer term stalker is understanding how a stalker can continue for over 5 years. Yes, we are one of those statistics.

In addressing that question there were a few salient realizations that came into the foreground.

1. In order for a stalker to continue for that length of time and even though we did find out who it was and yes, they continued anyhow they had to do what?

They had to learn… learn how to be better at stalking, sneaking and the related criminal activity they had to do to pursue the irrational, unjustified prejudice they cling to. They also probably learned many other things as well yet from our perspective with no dialogue, our perspective is limited.

We realized that the learning process had to be a large part of the fuel that was so important. With every incident, they seemed to improve their ability and change tactics.

So, making the learning central to the stalking process was the next logical steps for us in understanding and ultimately extracting a stalker from our lives.

The resulting series is what we have learned with the intention that it will help others dealing who are dealing with a stalker.

Learning is Only as One sided as a Person is Conscious

To explain this a bit further…

For example, I have learned how to do some pretty bad stuff all in the name of self defense and to educate people and the professionals who have been assisting with this case.

These are not things I want to do, or am inclined to do, they are things I have had to do to be able to work with people to bring information in a digestible way.

Do you see the point?

There actually more than 1 point here;

1. For something to be believable, no matter how bad it is for someone else, we have to see and experience the information of a situation /on our terms, even if the information being relayed is regarding someone else.
2. I have learned many bad things out of this struggle.

So, you have one person learning bad things, they did not know prior to this experience, to defend themselves against at least one if not two people doing bad if not worse things (for reasons still unknown).

And you still have learning happening at every level through this circumstance and individually for each person involved…

I was told a saying as a kid “Two wrongs do not make a right” for when I wanted to retaliate if I was or felt wronged.

As a grown up, I see this from a very different perspective because I have HAD to learn bad things to defend myself from yet worse things. All this and I still do not know the assailants perspective or reasoning for all of this, and may never know.

Even with all of this learning still happens. People however, will learn despite any efforts to stop them or hinder their process. They may just end up learning something else entirely unexpected.

The point is; all the learning in this circumstance here is very focused on bad, destructive behaviors. Whether it is intended to harm aggressively or to harm defensively it is still intended to harm.

The second point is learning happens whether you want it to or not, whether you consciously try to stunt someone’s process or not.

Judgement is Still Judgement Regardless of the Context

If I think honestly, really honestly about the circumstances where I need to judge swiftly and severely the number of those circumstances are very limited. I mean seriously limited to a few times in my life and ambulances were involved.

Nearly everything other circumstance not involving life and death can stand flexibility and a more open mind when it came to how circumstances are perceived, processed and interpreted.

Leave a Space for What you Don’t Yet Know

This is tougher than it looks.

There are many schools of thought around learning and how people learn. What I am attempting to show through this series is the more unconscious environmental aspect of learning that happens just by living.

Leaving a space in your mind for what you don’t yet know is hard under good circumstances. This means both self awareness of how I am feeling and to some degree why I am feeling what I am feeling, let alone feeling something strongly enough express or act on those feelings. Add to this the possibility, even if its just a fleeting thought that you might be wrong or could be missing something.

Try it under good circumstances… It’s not easy. It’s pretty obvious the stalker is NOT making this effort.

What I have found in doing this through a really hard difficult circumstance is it yields some very salient insights.

Providing an accurate context for circumstances like this can be equally difficult. So, leave a space for what you don’t know and you might discover something. I certainly have.

Finding and Keeping Your Humanity

One of the hardest aspects of surviving a stalker is not losing your humanity in the process.

Accompanying this is the very difficult aspect of surviving a stalker is the intense mental and emotional discipline needed to survive. This last point has been voluntary on my part and had made some things easier but is very hard on relationships.

A stalker looks to exhaust you, and then catch you off guard to wound you further and watch you suffer in bewilderment or worse. So, the more aware and disciplined you are, at the least you make your stalker work for it.

Judgement Seldom Reveals the Whole Picture of a Circumstance or Person’s Life

Stalkers may not be lazy as a whole but, to obsess and watch while you think you are not being watched and then obsess some more…

All While judging and closing off any possibility that you (as the stalker who is judging) might be wrong about the conclusion you have come to regarding the person you are obsessing over…

No, the stalker is NOT leaving any space to consider they may be wrong or at least misunderstanding what they are seeing.

With this possibility, the entire premise for even stalking someone could be wrong. I would think that if I wanted to stalk somebody I’d want to get it right, and be justified in my actions. Having an all-encompassing obsessive fantasy about someone is not enough it can’t possible be accurate past 35–40%.

But hey for some people I guess it just doesn’t matter that much.

If I follow the logic of my own thinking that I’m explaining through this article, at some point the obsession of your stalking can become so important to the point where right or wrong is irrelevant. The stalker becomes so immersed in the obsession, that is becomes a runaway train of tunnel vision, tunnel thought, and tunnel action.

That’s the only logical thought process that makes any sense from the view of an outsider as to why someone would continue to stalk, harass, vandalize, and commit break in after break in.

Of course you can see where this is going… Things in this world don’t last forever anyway.

Falsehoods last even less because at some point in time, the more you insist on your falsehood more the world in some way shape or form demonstrates that it’s not true.