Getting your ass kicked?

There’s an app for that.

If you’ve ever been at the gym and not sure what to do next in your workout, you’ve probably thought about hiring a personal trainer. Here in Los Angeles, most personal trainers bill at the same hourly rate as a senior creative director — meaning your time together is limited. Its a zero sum game, like working out then drinking a beer to cool down.

I went searching for a more economical approach, and decided to test the theory of there’s an app for that. I tried Under Armour’s myfitnesspal. There are no workouts to be found, just calories to count. If you work on a cush ad account you might have the time to input everything you eat, count it up and monitor your progress. We just haven’t landed that cush account yet — so too much work here. It’s fun to see how many calories are in all the food you just ate throughout the holidays, but it’s January cleanse season.

I tried Fitbit, but after being asked to give them nearly everything but my soul to sign up — birthday, height, weight, full name, email, password, better password, email, but then being told that my 100% valid email was not valid–I gave up. Fitbit gets the dubious distinction of getting deleted off my phone in record time.

Next up I tried the Training Club app from Nike. It’s a revolution — as if they are trying to put personal trainers out of business. Nothing like pissing off some of your most engaged customer base. I made the mistake of using the normal Apple headphones the first time we tried it, and within 3 minutes we were a tangled mess. IF YOU WANT TO USE THIS APP YOU NEED WIRELESS HEADPHONES. Once more, IF YOU WANT TO USE THIS APP YOU NEED WIRELESS HEADPHONES.

The app has workouts broken out by Strength, Endurance, and Mobility ranging from 5 minutes to 47 minutes. Another disclaimer — a 45 minute workout is closer to a 60 minute workout if you’re a normal human. You can even do a workout with everyone from Alex Morgan to Rory McIlroy to Kyrie. Once a workout is chosen, you’re presented with a video demonstration of the first exercise and number of reps to complete. When completed you tap the checkmark and your off to the next subsequent exercise. You might notice that in the videos no one is wearing headphones but fuck all that, I warned you. It’s completely integrated with Apple Music so you can listen to exercise instruction while your music plays in the background. Too many wins to count with this app, my only real complaint is that you cannot customize the workouts. Keep your wireless headphones on at the gym, so you can avoid that awkward hello with your ex-personal trainer.