5 things aromantics are sick of hearing during Pride Month

It might be Pride Month, but in typical fashion, many identities outside of L and G have been completely erased.

Pride Month can be a fantastic time for many queer people. For others, it’s a time of dread and erasure. Beyond lesbianism and homosexuality, there are still huge misunderstandings about different queer identities. Few people even know that aromanticism means not experiencing romantic attraction – or rarely so in the case of greyromantic people. Pride Month is inevitably then filled with problematic messages which soon grow tiresome and these are the top five irksome comments.

“Love is Love”

Beyond its linguistic redundancy, it’s a phrase that doesn’t embrace what it means to be queer. Aro people are left shrugging their shoulders every time it’s uttered. Queer liberation is about personal freedom. The freedom to be, specifically, and this includes the freedom not to have romantic relationships or to desire them. While stories around love are inevitably the ones that inspire TV scripts, it’s not ever what this community was about.

“You’ll find that person one day”

Yeah, no doubt many aro people will find a person (or many people) to share their life with in some way but this rarely involves ever falling in love. Some aro people have romantic relationships. Some aro people may experience romantic attraction at some point but saying that we will in a pitying voice isn’t helping. It’s trying to force people into relationships they don’t need or want based on little more than a 1950s ideal. We can’t claim to be progressive when our fantasy of perfection has simply moved from a cis man married to a cis woman with kids, to two cis women married with kids. That is hardly progress.

“You deserve love”

Aromantic people deserve respect. Aromantic people deserve not to be lectured to on love. It’s about as boring as listening to expert opinions on golf.

“Don’t you want to settle down?”

Hold up. Many aro people can have relationships, regardless of whether they are romantic or not. However, I’d advise against anyone ever settling for anything in life.

“A is for ally”

If cisgender heterosexual people really need to be thrown a bone, then don’t do it at the expense of queer people. Cisgender straight people are more likely to win awards for not being bigots than queer people are likely to for surviving. The “A” actually stands for multiple identities – asexual and aromantic. With there only being one, “A” asexual people and aromantic people are essentially pit against each other as it is to fight for recognition (and let’s not forget many ace people are also aro) without erasing both communities entirely.

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