I Like Your Dictionary

I used to do this thing where I would give people completely nonsense directions. They would pull up to me in their cars, or stop to ask me as they walked past and I would literally make the directions up.
Why would I be so mean? First time it happened it was because I panicked and couldn’t remember the place (although I’d lived there for years)… then after a while I just did it for kicks.
The other day I was in the bathroom at work thinking about the pronunciation and spelling of “Hyperbole” (I don’t know why either), and remembered this thing my primary school teachers used to do which was a bit similar to my aforementioned childish antics.
“Teacher!” 8 year old me would call out with my hand raised.
“How do you spell Mesopotamia?” (Because learning about Mesopotamia was a thing back in 1999).
The answer I used to get pissed me off so much:
“Look it up in the dictionary… don’t be lazy”
Oh, the amount of middle aged white women I’ve murdered in my head because of that sentence!
“Lady! How the hell do I look for the spelling of a word in a tool that requires the knowledge of spelling to use? I want the spelling, not the meaning…
You know what? I hope you die in a mild fender bender on your way to doing something fun and exciting. I hope all the clothes you own get wet at the same time, and your children’s pubes go grey in their teens. I hope your breath smells, I hope you never win any competitions ever again, and that you never feel the satisfaction of rest.”
I failed that stupid Mesopotamia assignment and I’ve since stopped giving people fake directions because I would want to die in a mild fender bender or never feel the satisfaction of rest.
Things I learnt: Simple acts of kindness go a long way, and although it sounds cheesy, helping people makes the world go round. How do you treat people who we think can not offer us anything? That is who you really are.

