Racing ahead
As I write this I’m sitting in my old bedroom in my parents’ house surrounded by the books, photos and memories of my formative years. It has to be said that not all those memories are positive ones. It wasn’t all bad, but the ages of 16 to 21 were somewhat bittersweet for me.
On paper it all looked marvellous. Strong GCSEs led to outstanding A level results, led to a first class degree from Nottingham. Brilliant, you might think. What could possibly be wrong with that?
The truth is that that although I pushed myself (and was pushed by others) academically, behind those results I was somewhat troubled.
I attended an all-girls private school, where academic over-achievement was the norm. It was sort of like being a racehorse, galloping from one jump to the next. My innate competitive nature wouldn’t let me fall at any of these hurdles. I got a kick out of doing well but the truth was that, like a racehorse, I was blinkered. I only knew that when I did well in academic subjects it pleased myself, my parents and my teachers. When I made progress in the areas I loved (art, drama, craft and creative writing), it didn’t seem to matter to anyone apart from myself, so it always felt like a side line to the ‘real’ subjects.
When it came to choosing a degree there was no doubt about doing anything other than an academic subject at a redbrick university: English and French at Nottingham, since you ask. I liked those subjects but if I’d had a really frank and honest conversation with myself at the time of leaving school it would have gone something like this:
“So, Amy, what do you love in life?”
“Well Amy. I’m glad you asked. I love drawing, I love art history and I love the craft and fashion industries.”
“That’s cool. So what do you want to do when you grow up?”
“Well I don’t know exactly but I’d like to work in a creative industry, maybe a gallery or some form of arts education company.”
“You realise there’s no money in that and it is really competitive, right?”
“Well, yeah, I guess so but if I don’t go for what I love then that won’t make me very happy, will it?”
And it didn’t make me very happy. Not so much because I’d chosen the wrong course (I still enjoyed my degree and learnt a lot from it) but more because I hadn’t chosen at all. I listened to others’ advice, literally putting my life in their hands. And that’s just not the best way to get started in life.
What I’m trying to say is that it is totally OK not to have your whole life mapped out. Or even to have a clear direction in mind after university. But what you do need to do right now is learn to listen to your heart and make your decisions for yourself. Don’t let others make them for you.
Your head might tell you all kinds of negative things about how you’re not good enough or you’re not going to make any money or your parents won’t be pleased with you but as long as your heart is happy with your choice you’ll find a way to thrive.
So what happened next in my story? I became a public relations consultant and learnt a lot of useful stuff about myself, others and the world. I had fantastic moments (as well as some stressful ones), made great friends and felt really lucky in my job. But I’ll always have that niggling question in my mind: what would my life have been like if I’d just been that little bit stronger at the age of 17?
Gradually I’m learning to make my choices independently and with integrity. This has now led to a new life in the South of France, where I work remotely in PR and copywriting and also teach yoga. Not a bad place to end up. I have very little to complain about really.
But if I can offer one final piece of advice it would be this. Life is journey. Don’t forget to enjoy it along the way, rather than always looking to the next goal. You are not a racehorse.
Amy Watt is a freelance communications consultant, copywriter and yoga teacher. She lives in the South of France.
Blog: www.amyinprovence.com
Twitter: amywatt100
