A Kinder Internet
The internet has been good to me...
When I was eating lunch in the school library to avoid the embarrassment of sitting at a cafeteria table by myself, the Internet was there for me.
When I was having a tough time at work, I turned to arbie38 and bipin for moral support in our private chat channel.
When I was ready to share my life with someone (and my parents kept dropping hints for grandkids), I met my sweet wife online and now we have a beautiful family with 3 boys and 2 golden retrievers.
When I had a bad day, or was feeling unsure of myself, the Internet made me feel better…
It made me feel less lonely.
It felt natural empathizing with others… great even.
And most importantly, I could be myself.
It was one part therapy, one part meeting people, and really just a lot of talking… but it worked for me, and for a lot of other people… it was a kind and vulnerable Internet… like talking to a friend in a coffee shop. Because of that, I fell in love with the premise of what the Internet could do for human connection and turned it into my life’s work.
However, as time passed, I found myself so focused on the day-to-day of leveraging platform changes for growth, revenue, etc. that I barely noticed the subtle, but drastic shift to a colder, meaner, popularity-based Internet... an Internet where each person is on a very public stage and needs to look perfect or be highly entertaining for attention. In fact, I may have unknowingly played a part in enabling that shift.
In my eyes, the 30-year shift that I’m referring to went kind of like this:
- 1985+: The Internet starts going mainstream; access to people and information becomes much easier. [thinking: Hmm, this could be interesting, but what’s that DOS command again?]
- 1990+: The people most in need of human connection and knowledge make products to make communication better and access to information easier. [Holy moly, this is so cool, I’m chatting with someone in Iceland!]
- 1995–2000+: The Internet gets lots of eyeballs really really fast because of those products. [Yay, there are so many people just like me!]
- 2000–2005+: Investor capital floods the space. [Wait, I can do what I love and make money? Even better.]
- 2005–2010: Rudimentary ad/commerce models are put in place to generate revenue ASAP. [Oh crap, we took all this investor money, we need to show returns.]
- 2010–2020: Existing and new products are optimized to generate ad impressions, etc.; instead of addressing the need for human connection, it is leveraged for growth [Grow now, we’ll think about that later.]
I’m not saying that all new products make the Internet worse. There are lots of amazing products that make our lives easier. It’s hard to imagine life without Spotify, Uber, Headspace, Amazon, Surfline, etc. Ad revenue has kept lots of valuable content free, writers paid, and has created a burgeoning field for individual content creators to make a living doing what they love. Even Facebook, which at this moment, everyone loves to hate, has at least kept us in touch with people we might have lost contact with.
However, the places where people could be themselves, talk about feelings and share kindness almost as if just talking one-on-one in a coffee shop…
… have transformed into popularity-based networks where you have to post an engaging video to get attention or have turned into troll farms filled with memes and disgusting content.
To optimize for viral growth, today’s social platforms are designed to feature entertainers and sensationalized content in a one-to-many fashion to generate more ad impressions… this is inducing divisiveness and reducing human interaction to just tapping on a like button.
This comes at a major human cost. Its destroying conversation and impairing human connection. As a result, people are suffering, it’s causing broad issues within our society and political systems, and on an individual level, people feel lonelier than ever.
So when Eli Pariser, the co-founder of Upworthy, asks “What obligation do social media platforms have to the greater good?”.
And when I see people like…Tom Scott create The Neighborhood Project to help people find their truth and connect with others honestly, Brené Brown compelling people to understand the power of vulnerability, and Kevin Hines sharing the lowest point of his life to uplift others… it’s inspired me.
I’ve lost too many kind-hearted people that I care about and have seen too many people in pain, not able to connect with others, and not able to be themselves that I have to do something about it.
We made Friended to create a kinder Internet, to show the goodness in humankind and to help us all feel more connected with each other by sharing honestly and by being there for each other.
Friended was recently described by Forbes as being “a release from the confines of the brutal, less than safe battleground of Twitter and Facebook”, by Psychology Today as “honest one-on-one conversations” and TechCrunch as, “a chance to share how they really feel in a vulnerable, one-to-one setting”.
While the product has a way to go, people that use Friended are saying, “This app changed my life.”, and have even gone as far as saying, “I think this app saved my life.”.
The Internet has been good to me, but it can be a kinder place where we can be ourselves, connect more deeply with others, and be there for each other… a place where there is always someone to talk to and where everyone can experience friendship.
