Isolation, Depression & Being An Entrepreneur

Isolation can also be brought home. The nature of the relationship at home with your partner is more intimate. And here I think about isolation differently.

At home, isolation leads to the creation of what’s known as an entrepreneur’s widow(er).

So — stop relationship breakdown.

I’ve written about this before and at the centrer of the solution is over-communication with your partner.

As a first time founder in 2008 I struggled immensely with communicating the challenges I faced each day in building my company — to my loved ones — and in particular my partner.

Some challenges were petty, others were significant and at the end of each long day, exhausted and with traction and capital waning, I often didn’t have the words to describe the current state I was in, let alone find a way to wade through it.

Then — at the end of the day, I didn’t want my partner to be burdened with my challenges.

What I said to myself was:

“I started this venture.

These were my issues to solve.”

I was also convinced that she wouldn’t understand it anyway. Not because she wasn’t capable of thinking this through — not that she wasn’t thoughtful enough to “get it.” She was! But my thoughts were that because she wasn’t in the trenches, how could she possibly understand the whole mess? And even if she did — where would I start to explain?

What I didn’t understand from my own puddle of muck was that she was feeling the same stress, angst and jubilation that I was feeling. It’s easy to forget that our partners are riding the same rollercoaster as we are.

They carry the load when business travel calls, they provide encouragement from the sidelines, and they help pick up the pieces when luck is in short supply. They do all of this with only a fraction of the context and information that we are carrying around in our heads.

By the way, if you’re a founder and thinking — “thanks, but this isn’t a thing for me,” you’re either single or about to become single.

Relationships fail when the information sharing stalls.

In most normal, low-pressure environments over-communicating is the act of repeating the same message ad nauseam.

The context for founders is usually different. They usually under-communicate with their partner. The good news is that over-communicating is straightforward — but like any disciple takes practice.

And at its core over-communicating means finding common ground to create a shared understanding that will short-circuit angst while further strengthening a relationship.

Here are five questions that founder should ask their partner. This isn’t an exhaustive list and not all of them relate to building a company.

1. Can I practice pitch with you?

Founders should always be closing deals with new customers, partners, investors or hires. The safest audience is your partner so give them permission to adopt the character and pitch them.

2. Can I get your thoughts on this value proposition?

If you’re spinning your wheels on developing messaging for a new feature or product, ask your partner for their input and how they would describe it to a friend over coffee.

3. Can you play with this new version of our product?

This is an easy one and it’s all about observing and capturing how your partner engages with the product. Try also asking what it would take for your partner to share your product with everyone she knows.

4. Do you have any thoughts on how to manage (insert tricky situation)?

Entrepreneurship is like fire-fighting. There is always a spot fire to extinguish and a tricky situation to manage. Ask your partner’s opinion about how they would handle the tricky situation at hand.

5. How can I help?

This is probably THE most important question that a founder should ask their partner each week, if not each day. This question is a surefire way to reconnect and put your money where your mouth is in terms of being mindful and engaged in your relationship.

- If you know someone building a business and they’re being too positive, act.

- If you don’t have mentors and you’re building a business, change that.

- If your partner is on the ride with you, OR NOT, ask them the five questions.

Please…

Just don’t ignore it. Being isolated is a sad existence which can lead to a devastating outcome.

Originally published at www.startupgrind.com.