The Fourth Best Restaurant in the World vs a Burrito
Last night we ate at a restaurant called Central in Lima, which was named recently on some list as the fourth best restaurant in the world. (Of course these lists are enitrely subjective but at the minimum someone somewhere thinks this place is really good).
For lunch we went to a burrito joint. It was the first* burrito I have had in almost three months (the longest burritoless period of my adult life).
It’s hard to say which one was better but I have given it my best shot based on three categories: first impression; food; and service.
First Impression: Burrito Bar
When we arrived at Burrito Bar, a small, no frills burrito joint in The Barranco neighbohood of Lima, the first thing I noticed was that there was a dude eating a tinfoil wrapped burrito wearing a Cal Poly hoodie. To me this was a good sign. People in California know their burritos, especially college students.
First Impression: Central Restaurante
For weeks we had been trying to get a reservation at Central. In fact eating here was the primary reason we came to Lima in the first place. To our chagrin, every time we contacted them we got the same response. “Sorry, we’re booked for several months out.” Finally, after three weeks of playing this game they must have been tired of us calling and so they suggested that we come in and order appetizers and desserts at the bar and if someone canceled a reservation they would give us a table for the tasting menu in the main dining room.
Yesss!!
When we arrived at 8:45 , we told the hostess we didn’t have a reservation. Her response: would you like to sit at the bar or at a table?
Sit at a table? Are you fucking kidding me? Tell me you’re fucking kidding me. After weeks of being told that they were booked for months, apparently you could just mosy on in and get yourself a table.
Well fuck you guys. Fuck you very much.
I somehow managed to control my inner rage and smiled at her politely. “We’ll sit at the bar. Thanks.”
Advantage: Burrito Bar
Food: Burrito Bar
I ordered a chicken burrito and a mango/passionfruit juice.
I hadn’t had a burrito in nearly three months. My body was craving tortilla, beans, guac and tin foil.
I took the first bite. It had been so long that I think my tongue didn’t recognize the flavors. The second bite was the same. It was mostly just filled with beans. Brit asked me how it was. “I’m not sure, the jury is still out.”
However, I quickly realized that it was not my tongue that was deficient. It was the burrito artist who made it. I was dealing with a classic case of poor ingredient distribution, where you get one bite that is all beans and the next bite that is all guac, etc. It’s an annoyingly common, but not altogether fatal flaw in a lot of burritos.
In any case, the third bite was different. On the third bite everything snapped into place. I had gotten a little further down into the burrito where the beans rice chicken salsa and cheese all blended together in perfect harmony, held hands and sang “We are the world.”
And indeed, the world felt right again. It was a beautiful reunion between mouth and burrito — like a Mexican food equivalent of those YouTube videos where army parents back from deployment overseas surprise their kids at their school assemblies.
Food: Central Restaurante
We got grilled octopus, a hot ceviche dish, a seafood tartar with fancypants crackers, and an Amazonian chocolate dessert. I don’t really know what to say. It was all out-of-this-world delicious.
But here’s the funny thing. About five days before we went to another one of Lima’s top restaurants called IK Restaurant for a nine course tasting menu. The restaurant, while highly regarded in Lima, doesn’t have anywhere near the worldwide acclaim of a place like Central. But if you put its dishes side by side up against Central’s in a blind taste test there’s no way I would be able to tell you that one is definitively better than the other. Perhaps this reveals something about my unsophisticated palate. Or perhaps it reveals something about the capricious and arbitrary nature of fine dining awards. In all honesty it’s probably a little of both.
Advantage: tie
Service: Burrito Bar
After finishing my burrito, I was rewarded with a bonus fish taco. Yesss!! I love bonus tacos!**
**Technically, the taco was Brittany’s third taco that she couldnt finish but I’m biased towards burrito joints so I’m distributing the credit to the restaurant.
Service: Central
They did something here that was really nice. We were sharing appetizers. And normally when Brit and I share dishes it means that I eat 60% and she has to keep up pace with me just to get in her 40%. It’s not that I do this intentionally. I just get so excited I become the hungry hungry hippo of sharing.
Perhaps they could see gluttony in my eyes — I’m not really sure, but they were kind enough to split each appetizer in half and bring it out on two different plates so we each got our own. Each half appetizer was beautifully designed like a full appetizer only smaller. It was a nice touch that they didn’t have to do and really made the meal a lot more special.
Advantage: Central
Final Results: Burrito Wins!
In the end, we loved the food at Central and it was a really fun experience to eat there just for the fanciness factor of it all (the whole night I insisted on referring to it as “Central, the 4th best restaurant in the world”). But honestly I don’t need Michelin stars to make me happy. I need an evenly distributed bean to rice to guac ratio. I’m a simple man with simple tastes. Give me burritos or give me death.
*technically I had a burrito in Cuenca but it was TexMex style (ewww) smothered and covered in orange goop.
