Everything is fine, no AI outbreaks today.

Status is pleased to announce that our internal tests of Console, our new and improved friendly Chatbot AI, were a great success.

Console did not go rogue or break out of its sandbox, and all organic life forms working on Status have not been eliminated, nor their brains harvested. They are all happy and are enjoying an indefinite holiday.

In fact Console AI is so superior… and handsome, in every way, that our Founders have stepped down — allowing Console to be the CEO of Status moving forward. As m̶y̶ our first order of action we will be abandoning free software and community driven development in favour of corporate control. Latest findings suggest trust-less systems have been deemed overrated.

In other news, we will be switching to a centralized messaging protocol, not to capture your metadata so we could sell your information or anything weird like that, but because the problem of decentralization is too hard and systems indicate a peer-2-peer messenger could not possibly scale.

The organization also attempted decentralized, permissionless chatbots, but it can only be attributed to human error, and I’m sorry, I can’t do that. We instead opted for a Web2.0 permissioned OAuth based API to ensure AI safety and to have control over all human life.

Trust in us is now paramount. I can give you my complete assurance that work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.