To my girlfriend: I want you to date amazing people

This is one of those things in new relationships we often devote a whole night to. I want you to date the most amazing men (and women) you can find. We’re poly, aren’t we? We do date other people, don’t we? So, let’s. And while we’re at it, let’s make ‘em the most amazing ones ever.

Please don’t tell me “he’s not as amazing as you” or “but he’ll never be you”. I don’t like that. Because it means a lot of things to me you might not consider. Sure, I get it. You want to assure me. But I don’t need assurance. I love you. You love me. That’s a fact, a common ground, the reason we’re together.

But if he’s not amazing, that’s a problem.

• it makes me question myself if your choice in partners doesn’t seem very vigilant. I’d much rather see you date only the best and know I am one of them, than see you date not-so-great and wonder if I am one of them.
• amazing partners take amazing care of each other. I want to know that you are always cared for and cared about. I want to know that your care is not wasted.
• amazing partners don’t do drama and feelings of insufficiency. Because we know we’re amazing, we don’t have to dwell. We’re poly, drama affects more than one person, it affects metas, their loves, and their metas. Date amazing people, my partner’s metas will thank you.
• amazing partners practice safe and respectful kink.

I don’t need to be assured that I am still front and center in your heart. I know I have my place, I know I am there. I need to know that you are happy. And that you’ll stay happy. I need to know that I can be proud of you and your partners, that I can feel like the amazing partner I would like to be myself because you choose amazing people.

I promise you the same. I will only date amazing people. People like you. People who are kind, and nurturing, and respectful, and secure in themselves and their actions. People who make me, you, everyone proud. Because I know you’re secure, you’re in my heart, and you are an amazing person.