Decompensation
During Christmas I decompensated. That’s a medical term. Decompensation may occur due to fatigue, stress, illness, or old age. When a system is “compensated”, it is able to function despite stressors or defects. I have to find my way back to functioning the way I did before Covid. This will involve some self-care.
I got through all of 2020 with my connection to reality intact, even though I was stuck in the house avoiding Covid, I hadn’t seen my family, and I watched the news religiously.
I became an early beta tester of Clubhouse, and spent a lot of time there, giving and receiving advice, learning and growing with the platform. I believe that helped me cope. But I didn’t realize that it also meant I was doing too much. I love to be of service, but there’s such an overwhelming need out there for experience and advice that I grew a community I had difficulty managing.
And so, at Christmas and between Christmas and New Year’s I became incredibly anxious. By anxious, I mean I felt overwhelmed myself. Although I loved everything I was doing, I was just doing too much. I didn’t realize it was okay to say no.
In my own inimitable way, I drove my blood pressure up into a crisis, and then called my overworked PCP’s office for help. Fortunately, they know me, and they know I have the tools to get it down. And sure enough, meditation works for me…
