How To Deal With Hate On Social Media
I’ve been actively studying/living in intentional communities for several years. I am one of the few Americans who was raised in an intentional community. My community has a few similarities to the Amish, in that sharing and having close relationships is at the heart of life here. But I’m an atheist, which is not terribly well-received in society at the moment.
But I didn’t always live in a community. I lived the way most Americans do for the vast part of my adulthood: single, alone in an apartment or house, isolated from others even though they are living right next to me. Late in 2011 when the Occupy movement started and I found myself overnight becoming a statistic: impoverished, single mother, on the verge of collapse due to being a victim of psychological abuse, I understood that being isolated is one of the surest ways to die or to continue being a victim of a corporate system as well as to falling prey to others who want to do violence to you. I could see everything much clearer. Before the recession, I was doing well financially and emotionally but afterwards, my life was a mess. I don’t blame the recession, but it became the weak link that led to a collapse inside me.
Once the recession kicked in, my job dissolved, I couldn’t find work and I lived off my 401K. At the time, was a naive person who trusted people easily. I thought people were mostly good and were generally well-meaning. I was wrong. Two months into my 401K vacation, I met a lively artist and martial arts instructor who embodied a lot of the free-thinking values I did. We became fast friends.
There was one thing I didn’t know or even consider when I met this person: psychopathology.
He was a person who lacked empathy entirely. It didn’t exist inside him, despite the fact that he actively groomed a secondary personality that was supposed be all about empathy and mercy. His fake self was a sort of new-age spiritual persona that was in stark contrast to his real personality: a criminal who excelled in the art of both physical and mental violence.
Years later I found out he had violently attacked his pregnant ex-girlfriend and was sent to jail because of it. I found out because I acquired the hospital and police records that described the horrific abuse.
Of course, I had no idea about this when I met him, and he did everything he could to cover up his past. But eventually his real self seeped out and by then, I was psychologically hooked and damaged. I was the perfect victim because I am generous, empathic, ignorant about relationships, introspective, perfectionistic and have low self-esteem.
In a short period of time I went from being the happiest person on earth to someone who wanted to die in order to escape my psychopath. The worst part of this is that he had impregnated me and then I was forced to face the horrific reality that I was carrying a baby, made from the genetic material of a criminally insane psycho.
Life was not good.
Death seemed like a pretty good option, but the baby’s existence stopped me from going through with self-murder.
What’s interesting in this scenario is that I didn’t want to seek revenge on someone who was actively abusing me. I wanted escape, and in my mind, the only escape I could conceive of was suicide. This is a very important part of understanding what mind-control and abuse does to a person’s ability to function. It removes will power, and control so that the victim is unable to formulate plans.
I never thought I would become a victim as I don’t have a history of it. I was raised in a family with a strong mother and I never saw any abuse at my own house. My parents were middle class, law-abiding, tolerant people who were proponents of non-violence.
With the help from my parents, I found the willpower and strength to end my relationship and take full responsibility both for myself and my child. I cut off all ties with my psychopath and haven’t seen him since. He cyberstalked for a while, but then gave up when I refused to be fooled by his fake Facebook profiles.
Back to the community…..
Around 2011 I realized I needed to become more integrated into society for survival purposes. Being a single parent makes for a very vulnerable existence. I’m an atheist, so a church was out of the question. For the most part, I don’t really like groups, as I tend to disagree with the way they are run eventually. But I wanted to try something different that solved my problems of isolation and future survival. Most women in my situation simply go looking for another man, but in my case, I was so psychologically damaged, I wanted nothing to do with men, as they symbolized violence and pain to me. After a few years after leaving my abuser, I started to regain my old self as I applied various techniques to remove the effects of the brainwashing/abuse I’d received from the psychopath.
I became a member of a group called EC who had formed in one of the most racially-divided areas of my city. An area that real estate developers and politicians of the past had on purpose divided the whites from the non-whites. It was written into the law: “No non-white people shall live West of Troost.”
The road that separates the races is called Troost. East of Troost is black, West of Troost is white. The city is still divided, but no one talks about it. All the poverty and most of the violent crime is East of Troost. Homes are abandoned, foreclosure rates are high. Schools are being closed. It looks like a war zone in certain areas.
The group I was in sought to bring new perspectives to a racially divided area. It was led by a visionary female entrepreneur. Soon, the community grew and creative expression was the central focus of the group. Artists flocked to the area, people moved in, the vibe was good and shit was getting done. People were helping to clean up areas, move into abandoned houses, etc. This group was not religious. It accepted everyone and it didn’t ask questions or have any defined rules about how to deal with violence, criminals and abusive people. About one year after it was started, trouble started.
There were three things that destroyed this group:
- No one had put in place a plan to deal with members who were violently insane and who attacked others. There was one woman who had multiple personalities who effectively created a war, creating 2 factions that began to hate one another. One camp was mostly black, the other was white. Oddly, this woman was white, but she began hating white people and starting fights with the white leaders who started the group. There was also a white man who had a criminal past. He started doing things like slashing people’s tires and there were rumors that he raped a woman.
- Religious and racial intolerance. Many of the black church leaders in the community began attacking our group saying it was the devils work. Black leaders also wanted us out because were white and lumped us together with slave owners. Misogyny also played a role as many male leaders hated a female-run organization.
- Gang violence and criminal activity. The area that the group was in was near gang-controlled regions. Gang leaders began showing up to the EC parties and there were reports that guns were being hidden on the grounds. The EC parties were reminiscent of a different time before the gangs showed up. Young people had creative art shows, played music, danced, talked about revolutionary new ideas, etc. We set up a communal garden, helped build a school, supported each other, and welcomed anyone no matter what their background. I got to know a few neighborhood kids who were on the fringe of either joining a gang or becoming an artist. Our community supported the arts and free expression so I feel we were a force of positive change. But me being white, I think this phrase applies: “sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
However, the gun violence, fear, hate, coupled with violent people within it ultimately destroyed the group.
So, what went wrong?
I was, like @dantheman of Steemit.com, in pursuit of solutions. I wasn’t satisfied with the destruction of a group that had pure and good intentions. I wanted to understand how a group of people could, on the one hand not discriminate, but on the other, provide some sense of safety for its most vulnerable group members.
I found an ecovillage named Dancing Rabbit 4 hours away. I decided to study it to learn how they deal with dissent, violence, freedom, independent thought and abusive people. What I learned opened my eyes. Let me explain DR in a nutshell:
Dancing Rabbit is a voluntary ecovillage that accepts anyone. DR has no religious affiiliation. It accepts meat eaters and vegetarians alike. It accepts nihilists, atheists, Christians, blacks, whites, everyone. The only thing you can’t do in the ecovillage is use petrochemicals. No gas cars are allowed. If you have an electric car that’s fine.
The community has set up a system that is 100% voluntary. There’s a cooperative for every possible need you have. What’s a cooperative? A cooperative is a something you sign up for and pay a monthly fee. For example, there’s a computer/internet cooperative that costs $10 per month. But if you want to set up your own computer network in your own house, that’s fine too. Unlike many ecovillages, this one is high-tech. They use solar panels, solar ovens, and whatever new technology is available to solve their needs. But they don’t use oil or gas. They generate energy.
There’s a food cooperative, many different ones, that were set up by different kinds of people. If you want to set up a vegetarian food cooperative, you can. People join whatever cooperative they want, but all on voluntary basis. If you’d rather just have your own food at your own house, you can. You do whatever you wish. All cooperatives are voluntary.
You can set up your own cooperative. There are no rules about setting things up.
Here’s what I learned about how to create a 99% free society and one that doesn’t devolve into human filth, hate and fear:
- Recruit core members who are mentally stable and who know how to resolve conflicts peacefully. You don’t have to be perfect, you just need to have social skills that enable you seek solutions that exist outside of violence.
- The existence of a group of highly committed people who are not filled with hate brings about a peaceful environment that is able to withstand the stress of open discussions, disagreements and the cultivation of new ideas. Innovation thrives.
- After this core has been established, new members can live at Dancing Rabbit for a trial period. During the 6 month trial period, the new member gets to experience lif at Dancing Rabbit. In that time, a lot of things happen. After the 6 months, the core DR members hold a meeting and discuss the new member, and they decide if they want that new person to live with them or not.
I’m not suggesting this 6 month thing for Steemit, I’m only using this as an example, to illustrate how to be both free and bring about social change.
Here’s an example of an acquaintance, George, who went through this trial process:
After the 6 month trial was over, the DR accepted him into their community. He was fine in the beginning, but as time went on, the older members of DR noticed that George was being hostile towards them. George didn’t know what he was doing, but it was brought up and George had to confront his actions.
George began his war. He had disagreements which turned into fights with some of the members. After a while, George, was unable to face himself and his actions. He became depressed and his anger turned inwards. He wrote about his struggles online, and ultimately, he couldn’t exist at Dancing Rabbit because he realized his psychological issues were infecting the group to a great degree.
His relationship with his girlfriend crumbled and George decided to leave DR, get some psychological help and re-think his life. His issues revolved around unresolved conflicts with his parents. He was lashing out at the older members because of these past problems. But ultimately, the health of the group was the primary agent of change. The DR members didn’t use violence on George. They used mirroring techniques.
I also spent some time at DR. I also felt this mirroring technique. After I met many members, I was struck by the fact that they actually talked to me, reacted to me, instead of being on smartphones all the time. Most of the people I met intimidated me. Why? Because I was not as emotionally healthy as them. My visits there made me aware of the problems that existed within myself. You see, a group of people who don’t hate and who are not mentally insane can help an enormous amount of people grow.
I see enormous potential for Steemit. I also see enormous potential for it to fail if some of these basic ideas are not fully implemented. However, Dan Larimer’s leadership appears to align itself with the basic understanding that societal problems can be solved in a non-violent manner. I agree with him 100%. I may have stirred up some uncomfortable issues, and sometimes the way I approach things that hurt me isn’t productive and causes others to hurt. This is the area where I need to grow. I admit that I have my share of struggles. Everyone does. You may have solved the issues that currently plague me, and I may have answers to your troubles. Only through an active discussion and thorough exploration of our feelings, thoughts, ideas and aspirations can we move forward, both personally and as a society.
Society is in a pretty bad state actually. Most of us are not used to the idea of a voluntary place full of options. Only the rich have that luxury of endless options and opportunity.
The masses are used to coercion, abuse, rules that don’t allow creativity. Parents neglect their children, depression fills in the voids where love should be, violence is used, and the squashing out of individual expression becomes the norm.
Most people are working many jobs just in order to meet the basics. They are in survival mode. When you’re in survival mode, you cannot address the things that are wrong both within yourself and external power structures that are harming you.
Most humans are victimized by a power structure that they don’t even realize exists. They don’t have time or energy or hope left. They have given up their willpower and their independent thought and have just accepted that they can’t do anything to change anything. They take their pills and that’s that.
