Couch Surfing & Mentorship: A Story of Dreams Fulfilled
By Sinai Cota
I opened the door to an empty apartment. Anxious thoughts filled my mind with worrisome possibilities of what could have happened to my mom; why wasn’t she there?
I put my backpack down and waited… an hour or two went by and mis tias (my aunts), showed up with dinner; they placed it on the table, looked at me, and said: “Se la llevaron”. My mother had been taken away.
Mi Familia
I was eleven years old when my mom was deported to Mexico. She had committed no crimes except overstaying her visa. My mom’s immigration status had been held hostage since the 80s by my father, an American Citizen, when they first married. His machista ways kept her dependent on him for eight years. When I was three years old, my father was arrested. My mom and I ended up in a homeless shelter; there they gave her the courage and the resources to finally divorce my father. My mom fought for a future for both of us by working hard as a housekeeper. In one year, she had saved up enough funds to get an apartment for the both of us. My father lived the next 10 years in and out of jail and subsequently, in and out of my life.
Homeless in High School
The thought of a college degree and a way out of my circumstances motivated me to share my story and to stay in America. After my mom was deported, I lived with my aunts, but when rent got too expensive, they moved back to Mexico. I wasn’t ready to let go of my home or my dreams of going to college. My mom agreed to let me stay in California if I could find someone to house me.
When I was fourteen, I couch surfed between four family homes (neighbors and classmates) who let me stay with them while I attended high school. I lived out of a suitcase for four years as I crossed back and forth between the Tijuana-San Ysidro border each weekend to visit my mother. I attempted to adopt a normal routine and remain as invisible as possible in school and in these homes where I was a guest. Sometimes, I felt like Child Protective Services could jump out of a bush at anytime and stick me in foster care. But I had to put those fears aside because I was determined to make my dreams a reality.
Lifelines
My first scholarship application was in the eighth grade, I didn’t get it, but I kept trying. I stayed in school for twelve hours a day, studied, joined clubs and sports. I was involved in AVID, a college prep program, for six years. And I participated in a life changing after-school program, called: The Barrio Logan College Institute, where I had access to free tutoring, SAT prep, and college advice. By the time I was a senior, I had written more than 20 scholarship applications and applied to more than 10 universities all over the country. With over $26,000 in college scholarships, and grant aid — my undergraduate degree was fully funded at San Diego State University, where I finally had a room and bed of my own!
My mentor and second mom, Nancy Brusch and her husband, whom I had met at another after-school program called: Urban Life, helped me move into my first college dorm, bought me my first car, taught me to drive, and helped me feel safe and stable. Nancy passed away when I was close to completing graduate school. It felt awful to never have had any parents at high school and college graduation ceremonies, but she had been there, cheering me on: “You go girl!”, she’d say. So, in honor of Nancy, this year, Nancy’s daughter: Sarah Brusch, and I are working to keep her legacy alive with Urban Life. We have made it our goal to fundraise and set up a college scholarship in her name to help resilient youth in the community achieve their goals of a college education.
Finding my Path
As I maneuvered a sea of college paperwork and navigated the challenging waters of being the first person in my family to attend a university, relationships kept me afloat.
But each year, produced different waves to ride through.My freshman year was particularly difficult as I struggled to develop strong study and test skills. My mental health also took a toll on me as I faced the death of my dad my freshman year and had to fight for financial aid. I had worked hard to secure a fully funded education for myself for the next four years through scholarships and grants, but I had to be declared independent each year in order to receive it. I was being asked to provide tax information for a mother who resided out of the country, which didn’t make sense, since I had been financially responsible for myself since age thirteen.
But Chia, one of my college counselors guided me through an appeal and a hearing. Another adviser, Jean, supported me as the case put me through emotional distress. I didn’t even know appealing was an option until I met these two ladies. I had been silently fighting my whole life, but now it was time to be vocal and be loud especially after we realized that my independent status was challenged by a biased and racist financial aid officer. As a result, the Director of Financial Aid reviewed it with me in a room filled with higher level administrators. The Assistant Director of Financial Aid went on to become one of my mentors after the hearing. Each year afterwards, she would meet with me, answer my emails and calls and help me file my FAFSA. My experience helped pave the way for other homeless students like myself, so I’m glad I spoke out.
All of these experiences helped me figure out what career path to pursue. I switched around majors three times, uncertain of where I’d be happy. I quickly realized I was most happy in school and could even make a career out of it! I thought, how cool would it be to advocate for students the way advisors and my community did for me? So, I applied to a higher education leadership studies graduate program in 2014 and was accepted to The University of San Diego on a generous financial aid package. In December of 2017 I was hired at UC San Diego with a unique three-office appointment between the Graduate Division, Physical Sciences and Engineering. I unknowingly landed my dream job: coordinating three mentoring programs for first generation and non traditional students.
Paying it Forward
When UC San Diego sent me to my first SACNAS conference and I walked through those doors in 2018, it felt like home — like it was mis tias, mis primos and abuela who the ones giving speeches at the front of the room; and I cheered for all of them. I felt known, seen, and accepted. We were greeted with mariachi and traditional native performances, it was a big party and everyone was excited that we were there. It was a special space for me to celebrate being Latinx and educated and I knew I had to come back and bring others with me. I requested funds to bring five Sloan Scholars to SACNAS in 2019. They attended workshops, assisted with our university recruiting efforts and built meaningful bonds with each other. Sean Bearden, a PhD candidate at UCSD in the Physics Department, who attended with me later told me: “It felt like I boarded a plane with academic colleagues, but now I’m leaving with friends.” Sean, has a compelling story of his own and had the opportunity to share it at the conference where he was worried, he wouldn’t fit in. It was an honor to cheer him on as he shared vulnerable parts of his journey at an event called: The Story Collider.
I am so excited to continue to support first generation and nontraditional students by creating warm and inclusive environments where they can feel a sense of belonging. I am a life-long learner and continue to look for opportunities that will inform my work and help me make a greater impact. This month, I applied to a year-long urban leadership program, to help me become a better advocate for students in my community wanting access a college education. I am also motivated and passionate to continue with my studies and pursue a doctoral degree in 2020! I am hopeful for future collaborations between UC San Diego and the vibrant communities I am fortunate to be a part of. Please remember to seek out mentors, share your story and know that people are always willing to help!
About the Author
Sinai Cota is the product of a warm, nurturing and tight-knit community of Barrio Logan, a mexican-neighborhood, rich in culture and savory pan dulce within San Diego, California. She has roots extending across the border into Tijuana, Mexico, where her immediate family presently resides. Sinai’s passions include: storytelling, education and mentorship. She has a Bachelor’s in Religious Studies from San Diego State University and a Masters in Higher Education Leadership Studies from the University of San Diego and currently coordinates three mentoring programs at UC San Diego for students in STEM Fields from underrepresented backgrounds.
