In Over Your Head
By Kamuela Yong, PhD
In 2012, I became the first Native Hawaiian to earn a PhD in applied math; however, math was not my first choice of careers. As an undergraduate at Loyola Marymount University, my primary major was civil engineering. Mathematics was my secondary major. One of the math classes I took was a math modeling course in which I learned about scientific research. It was in this class that I met my mentor, Erika Camacho. Here I discovered I had a passion for mathematical modeling and decided I wanted to get a PhD in engineering and use mathematical models for engineering problems. Previously, I just wanted to go into the engineering industry. With encouragement from my mentor, I enrolled in grad school…in mathematics, not engineering…and in Iowa! I’m from Hawaiʻi and went to undergrad in LA; Iowa is probably one of the most unlikely places I ever believed I would go.
So here I am, having emphasized engineering rather than math classes throughout undergrad and about to take graduate level math classes. During my first week of graduate classes, they covered an entire course I took in undergrad. As the class progressed, I felt overwhelmed and very lost. Students asked questions that made no sense. If I don’t even know enough to understand what the question is, how am I supposed to understand the answer? Then, to top it off, there were a lot of things in class that I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to ask any questions because I didn’t want to seem like the only fool who didn’t understand some concept. If I could have asked some brilliant question, I would have but, as I mentioned, I didn’t even understand what those brilliant questions were asking, so there was no way I could conceive such a question. So, I remained silent.
I began to question whether I chose the wrong career. I even began questioning if my admission into grad school was just so the department could brag that they landed a token minority. At the time, I seriously considered leaving math and returning to engineering.
One day, I confessed this to a friend who had already gone through the course that I was struggling in and was told that everyone feels like that. No one asked questions because, like me, they were afraid to be the only person who didn’t understand. Nearly everyone in the class was lost and, since no one asked those basic questions, we all assumed the others understood it and kept silent.
This revelation made me realize that my fears, of not being prepared for this class and struggling, were actually normal and everyone was in the same boat, but were all too proud to admit we needed help. Once I understood this, I gained confidence. I soon found a friend to study with and it made classes much more enjoyable…well, at least endurable.
I still struggled through classes, but no longer doubted that I was cut out to be a mathematician. Although I may not have had good grades in some my classes and struggled in undergrad and grad school, that did not mean I’m not a good scientist. After I completed all of my courses and actually began doing research, I had my chance to shine. I finally found something I was good at, something that I wanted to spend my time doing. I would come in early in the morning and stay late, not because I had a deadline, but because I found what I was doing fascinating.
When I decided to get my PhD in applied math I had no idea that there were no other Native Hawaiians. It wasn’t a question that came to mind because I knew what I wanted to do. It wasn’t until after I began grad school and started attending conferences that I realized I didn’t see any Native Hawaiians. Even at places where there’s a high concentration of underrepresented minorities, I didn’t see Native Hawaiians or Pacific Islanders. I found this to be troubling and I want to change it. The lack of people from my background doesn’t mean that I’m alone. I have a huge network of people to support me. Aside from the obvious support from my family and friends, I am strongly supported on the academic side. Mentors have encouraged me every step of the way. My classmates have helped me get through the hard times and are there to help me unwind when the stress builds. I also made many friends simply by traveling to conferences such as the SACNAS National Conference.
If you find yourself way over your head, realize that you probably aren’t the only one. It helped me immensely to talk to someone who had already been there. It also helped me to talk to my mentor. There is a large community of professionals willing to mentor you. These people have all been in your shoes and they’ll help talk you down when you need it.
I know it sometimes seems like it’s a lonely world. You might be the only person from your neighborhood or family to go away to college. It might be your first time living out of your state and so far from family. There are a million things that make you stand alone, but we have a network of people who are here to help you. Take advantage of it; I sure have.
I moved back home to Hawaiʻi in 2015 where I am an assistant professor of mathematics at the University of Hawaiʻi West Oʻahu. I have come full circle and just like Erika Camacho helped me discover my passion for mathematics, I am now showing my students the world of mathematical modeling.
Reprinted with permission from The American Indian Graduate Magazine — Fall 2015
About the Author
Dr. Kamuela Yong is an assistant professor of mathematics at University of Hawai’i West O’ahu. He is the first Native Hawaiian to earn a PhD in applied mathematics.
