in the spirit of the season
Having recently subjected myself to the horrors of mall Christmas music, I started ranking the Worst Christmas Songs Ever** with a friend whose distaste for (most) Christmas music is about as serious as mine.
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They didn’t like the mall music, either.[/caption]
But publishing that wouldn’t be in the Christmas spirit, so instead, here is…
Christmas Songs That Don’t Make Me Want To Punch An Elf, Vol. 2.
(Vol. 1 is here, in case you missed it.)
1. fun. — “Believe In Me”
Dating from before the band went all auto-tune on us and ruined their sound, this song is adorable and filled with bouncy chimes. Both earnest and self-referentially punny. (“When I asked for fun, they bought me Aim & Ignite.”) Don’t miss the ridiculous spoken-word Chipmunks-style “Mary Kate and Ashley” dialogue bit at the very end.
2. Chamberlin — “In The Bleak Midwinter”
I’ve always loved the gorgeous harmonies in this song, ever since first hearing it performed at my high school’s Christmas services. This version is quite restrained (sadly a rare thing in Christmas songs), with mostly just piano and a little atmospheric synth work, and quietly powerful. It feels bleak midwinter-y.
3. José Feliciano — “Feliz Navidad”
The soundtrack to the opening scene in the classic Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, which my mom and I watched every year — from TV to recorded tape to purchased VHS to purchased DVD through the years — on Christmas Eve. This song will always and forever be about Muppets ice-skating.
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Blue Glitter Duck also approves of this list[/caption]
4. Mariah Carey — “All I Want For Christmas Is You”
Really. Most of the Christmas songs I like tend to be the more… subtle ones, and Mariah is anything but subtle, of course. But when I was 12 years old and deep in my Mariah phase, this song was a designated Christmas treat that I refused to ever play on any of the other 364 days of the year. Apparently, the rationing paid off, because I’m still not over the song.
5. O Holy Night (any version, really)
It is guaranteed that I will cry at this song. Even the one with the kids rehearsing during the church scene in Home Alone. It has no personal religious meaning, but there’s something universally beautiful stopping to recognize and revere a Special Something/Someone/Time.
6. Martin Sexton — “Auld Lang Syne”
Are New Year’s Eve songs allowed? This song tends to be inherently emotional, so the laid-back, bluesy acoustic instrumentation here provides some balance. The vocals are front and center, with some cool improvised bits. A unique version of a classic.
p.s. On the opposite end of the sonic spectrum, the big, brassy, sweeping Royal Philharmonic Orchestra version is also fantastic. Because if you’re going to go all out, you’ve got to go all the way, right? Goes well with fireworks and glittery lights.
7. Bob Dylan — “Must Be Santa”
The best. Just watch the video.
**Okay, worst songs. “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” in all its creepy, vaguely date-rapey “glory,” is definitely high on the list. (Hey! Other people think so, too!) So are all — yes, all — versions of “Last Christmas,” especially the Taylor Swift one. And “Santa Baby,” because ew.
