A Genie who Doesn’t Work**
Why Won’t God Answer Me?
When I think of God I think of him as a Genie in a bottle but not just your ordinary genie in a bottle, he doesn’t always grant your wishes when you want them, he don’t always just pop up out of a bottle when you close your eyes. It takes time to talk to this wonderful Genie.
My first encounter with God was when I was 13 years of age I Remember this night like no other. It was a cold, raining, thundering, night. I couldn’t sleep That night I could also recall hearing a weeping noise coming from my mothers bedroom. When I walked in the room I asked my mom why was she sad ? she told me she was upset about not being a good mother, and as her daughter I was trying to make my mom feel more important then she felt.
I will always remember this one saying that my mom would tell me “ God wouldn’t put you through nothing you can’t handle” I remember talking to God myself the same night I heard my mother crying. I would question him over and over about what do I have to do to take all this pain away from my mother.
Still that night I prayed and prayed about what I had to do and it still seemed like God wasn’t answering me. In my head this genie in a bottle is someone who is made up I was convinced at that point. I need him right away I wanted him to go help my mom. Being as young as I was I did not fully understand who God was what he meant and how he worked at times. I had to learn to understand I can’t just snap my fingers, and he is going to be there.
I would always go to church with my aunt I sat in the back by this sweet old man who would always picked his nose and laugh about it. I always found that man quiet weird but i still sat next to him in church . I looked forward going to church every Sunday although I never understood what the preacher was talking about but I knew it had to mean something great because the man who picked his nose would always cry. EVERY Sunday he would cry then asked me for some tissue afterwards.
I never thought that I would have to call out to God — well at least not at this age . I got on my knees and asked God what do i have to do to make my mom feel more of a queen then a peasant I wanted God to send me sign . I need him right then and there but I feel as if my praying was not working. I felt like I was wasting my time with God. Why wasn’t he answering me when i was calling out to him?.
I felt like my problems didn’t matter.
Later on that say I said to myself why is he not there when I needed him the most?. I questioned myself what am I supposed to do ?? my mom is crying and this man isn’t helping me. I felt all alone like a bat in a dark cave, I know there is something that i can do to help my mom I told myself that.
When i talked to my mom about me getting on my knees and talking to God she asked me why?. why do i need to be talking to god and especially at this young age. She asked me did I really know what I was asking for and why was I asking him these questions.
I explained to my mom how I wanted God to take all her pain away from her thinking she was not a good mother. I wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone in the mist of her tears. If anything I wanted to just let my my mother know she wasn’t alone at all no matter if she did feel that way. I know its hard being a single mother, not being able to provide your kids what they want. I sat in the room with my mom for hours and hours talking about her feelings.
While talking to my mom i learned a lot about her and her childhood and where she grew up. Growing up in my mom household all they did was talk about God and go to church. My mother could never miss a Sunday of church so I didn’t see why she never married a church man or something. Its funny because my mom told me when she would go to church she would always have to sit in the front of the church. She could never fall asleep she understood what the pastor meant and study his word every night and day.
My mom also explained to me that God is not always there when you need him but he’s always right on time. my mom also expressed how she is so patient for god she never Rushes him and will always wait on him no matter what. that’s when she told me i should be patient as well and not to rush what has in stored for us.
I didn’t understand how my mom could be so calm while crying and going through so much. She is a very strong woman i can always look up to my mom for anything.
