Church every Sunday
Singing, and Shouting.
I have grown up in a church all my life. Church every Sunday, singing, and shouting. I was doing everything everyone else was doing. I have never known if I was a child of God. I did not even know what God was or why did everyone praise him or her so much. Is God a person or is it a animal? This was so confusing when I was younger. I remember going and trying to search for a God. Those are the thoughts and questions I had when I was younger. This was when I knew that I would struggle with my faith in God. According to this author, it was a normal thing.
Corrie ten Boom once said, “never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” What does this mean? According to Corrie, this quote was a mission statement for him and her family. “In the Known God — Unknown Future” article, Scott Whitaker gives the meaning of what Corrie was trying to tell us through her quote. From Corrie’s thoughts, Scott writes, “They were the twelve words spoken by Corrie Ten Boom, who saw her father die after the Nazis arrested their family for harboring and helping Dutch Jews to escape to freedom from the Nazi Holocaust.” Scott also explains that these words were like an embrace to her family each day they woke up. To me, this was a part of growing as a person. I have these thoughts a lot. People may say it is bad to question God, but in some cases, it can be a normal thing. It’s like having doubt. However, it does not mean you do not have faith, it’s a part of development.
I honestly do not know if I struggle with faith in God. I do believe that praying heals and relieves you of your hurt. I feel that I am like Laura in Donald Miller’s story Blue Like Jazz; I have struggled before, but it helps me come closer to him. It has been times when I felt like I have needed him at a moment but he did not show up right then or there. This is the reason why I think I have faith issues. I go searching for answers too quickly. I would also get so angry with God for putting me in the worse positions. This would lead to me getting frustrated with myself and being desperate. I had to realize God is not a microwave. However, he was on time. I know now that he is always on time because he can handle my feelings and honesty. That gave me hope because he showed me that he will always be there no matter what. This was all because of prayer and asking God for help. I also started to surround myself with the right people. These people inspired me in many ways. They taught me to be generous. One person, in particular, is my mother. One conversation helps me get through all my days. This is the reason I try to never give up.
“How are you doing today.” “Is school going well?” My mom asked?
It’s straight, I am passing all of my classes so far, but it is very stressful. It’s just too much for me all at once. I answered.
“Well, I am just calling to tell you that your cousin died yesterday.” She said.
What how? I said with pain in my eyes.
“You know he already had covid and he was getting sick so that is what happened.”
Dang ma that’s crazy!
“ I know pooh, but Keep going babe, remember the reason you were there in the first place. Never lose the faith you had back at home.”
“Mom back at home I did not know it was going to be this hard” Sadly!
“All you can do is pray son, Everyday, Every night. God will watch over you.”
Since that last conversation I had with my mother, I have never taken my eyes off the prize. I work hard every day at practice, still passing all of my classes, and I am praying every night. I feel like God is watching over me and leading me in the right direction, which is a success.
