Having Faith Like Penguin Sex:
The tough ongoing fight
I’ve been in the church pretty much all of my life. I have been a part of a strong Christian family all of my life that tries to instill biblical principles in my life all the time. My parents made sure I was in church on Sunday mornings, nights, and Wednesday nights. I was taught that I wasn’t just supposed to be there but that I was supposed to be present. I was supposed to be listening and present. My parents would always ask me what I thought about the lesson or what I learned in class. I would sometimes lead parts of worship at church too. I would lead a prayer song or read scripture on Sundays or Wednesdays as well. The church has been a big part of my life. While I have been a part of the church doing all kinds of things and being present all of my life, I still struggle with faith in God.
Generally for me to really struggle with my faith is when something really bad happens. Last year I lost one of my best friends. He died tragically of a barge accident. It was his second day on the barge working and he slipped and fell off and drowned. The day we found out was the first round of our football playoff and it killed me. I have never been so unprepared for a game and the worst part was I didn’t care. Playing that game I honestly didn’t care if we lost or if I played well. After the game I remember talking to my mom and when she said something about God.
“I don’t know, I said with sad eyes. If I believe in God.”
“How can you say that?” my mom said.
“If he was real this would not have happened. Grady would not have died.”
“Jaylin, do not say that!”, she exclaimed.
“Why wasn’t it someone else? Why couldn’t it have been me? Why couldn’t it have been someone else?”
After that conversation, I left mad and unsure about God and my relationship with him. I remember that following Sunday I sat in church completely sad and lost. I didn’t say a word to anybody. I did not sing a single song at all. I just sat in silence. I know that this is probably a very long way of saying I struggle with faith in God. Someone once told me, however, that if you are not having doubts you are not doing something right.
I remember the first time before this was assigned I and a classmate looked at each other and saw the question about penguin sex we were both extremely confused and slightly disturbed. I was very eager to read and figure out what the meaning of all of this was. Miller asks if Tony has heard or seen penguin sex. The female penguins lay eggs for the males to guard and protect. after this is done, the female penguins venture out to find food for the babies. The male penguin has no idea when or if the Penguin will come back. Miller then explains it to him and then talks about the females leaving and the males staying with the eggs. He then explains that like the penguins having a radar telling them where to go he feels like he has that with God.
To this day I feel like the male penguin. I feel like I’m waiting for an answer as to why my friend died. Like the penguins doing the act of penguin sex, I’m waiting for an answer like the male waiting for the female. I am not sure when or if I will get my answers but that forces me to have faith in God and his reasoning.
