To Love is to be Vulnerable
So why take the risk?
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.” -C.S. Lewis
My dad and I talk about love quite often because it has been a very big part of both of our lives. He has much more experience than me, but, it has still has had a major impact on my life.
“What is love to you dad, how would you describe it?” I asked him.
“Love is crazy,” he told me. “You are giving your heart to someone with total trust that you are going to be completely true to them, and they are going to be completely true to you. You are leaving everything out on the table, your partner is going to know everything about you, and you are going to know everything about them.”
This is a risk that every couple takes when it comes to truly loving each other. To really love someone you need to be comfortable with talking to your significant other about your life and what has happened in your lifetime. Your significant other must feel the same. They have to be able to share all the same. There should not be any sort of secret between the two of you that might mess the relationship up. It has to be open. You also have to take the risk of letting the love fully develop.
I talk about the concept of love with my stepmother quite often. It comes up in conversation quite often for some odd reason. But, we always come back to one main point.
“Love takes a long time to develop,” she says. “Sometimes it takes multiple tries to realize who you truly love. People are going to come into your life to teach you how to be loved and how not to be loved. There will be a point in your life when that person comes around and they stick around and they become your best friend and your love all at one time. That is how you will know.” “It is the craziest feeling in the world,” she told me, “but you know what it is as soon as it hits you.”
This is also a risk you and your other need to be willing to make is waiting for everything to come together. It takes a long while in most instances of love for people to truly know if they love one or the other. If you’ve taken notice, when people get married it is normally around one and half or more years before they get engaged or married. It is all because they are letting the love form. I have seen lots of couples wait almost 6 years to get married. They want to let their love and lives fully developed with each other. Now, I am a Christian so God is also a huge part of the way I love.
Donald Miller describes it in his book Blue Like Jazz. He talks a lot about what type of husband he wants to be, how much he will love his future spouse, and how he could never be worthy of the love he will be given. But, one thing that really stood out to me in this letter is when Miller says, “ God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.” This is amazing to me. Miller does not understand why God would risk Himself on them, mere humans deserving of nothing, to let us live the lives we do today. But, he tells his future spouse that this is what he wants to do. He wants to risk his life on you so that hopefully they can live great lives together. It really is a very beautiful way of explaining what he wants his life to be like with his wife. This goes hand in hand with risking your love by laying everything out on the table for your significant other. It all comes back to this. God risked his self for us, so we are obligated to risk ourselves on others in love. He loves us unconditionally and we should follow in his ways and do just the same.
Personally, my experience with love is short and sweet. I have had one girlfriend. I never had the time nor the mindset to try and date anyone until the last months of my senior year. I was in a really bad state mentally. My mental health was on its last stretch of life.
There was a young woman, she was 16 I was 17, we had been friends for our whole lifetime. We were never super close but we went to the same school of 45 kids so we visited with each other every day. We started hanging out more frequently in December and at 12:00 AM on January 1st, I asked her to be my girlfriend. This was a huge risk. I was risking what was an amazing friendship to make it more than just a friendship. The risk was worth it. she changed my life. I had an amazing time with her in the last months. I had a blast. I experienced so many fun things with her. We danced in the rain, went and looked at the stars, had lots of conversations about everything.
Sadly, it all had to come to an end. I was leaving for the summer and was getting back to my busy ways. I was sad and so was she but we were still friends in the end and still had the memories. The risk was worth the pain in the end. Sometimes people come into your life at the right times and are not meant to last but they show you what love should feel like. That’s what she did.
The risk of love is either going to make you or break you. It can be the best thing you ever do in your life or it can be the worst. The risk you are taking with love is hoping everything goes the right way. I believe everyone needs to take the risk at love, especially with multiple people. I believe you need to try all of the flavors love has to give. That is how you learn to love the right way and how to be loved the right way. It is also a way to learn how to not love and how not to be loved. Taking risks is what teaches you the best lessons. Good and bad.
