Love is Locked
Can we commit to love?
I was sitting with my mom and thinking about my relationship with my boyfriend and how it was soon going to become long-distance. I began to also think about my mom’s current relationship, as she’s been in two others. Though her romantic past hasn’t been the greatest, I decided to ask, “What’s your take on romantic relationships?”
She responded with, “Romance is a feeling that blows off, commitment stands through tough times.” She continued to state that” True love stands through good, bad, or sideways” meaning that “True love” should overcome all odds. That gave me the idea of a lock, which can sound weird, but commitment is like a lock. Once you lock it, it becomes a safe place for both people within it. As for my mom, she’s happy and this must mean something since she herself had to learn how to love as well as stay in a relationship.
In the book Blue Like Jazz, author Donald Miller states in a “letter” to his future wife that “I am not scared of you, my love, I am scared of me” (148). Miller was collecting advice together to gather his own idea and advice about love to his future wife. When he says this, he questions his own thoughts on fifty-fifty love, asking, “I will redeem you if will redeem me?” (148). Fifty-fifty love means both people in the relationship are carrying equal weight within it. I don’t agree with the idea of this type of relationship. I feel like this force's expectations unevenly on both people and this destroys the safe place. This is almost like bringing a bolt cutter to the relationship. Is it possible to evenly split a relationship without either person becoming weary?
C.S. Lewis states that “Eros [is] … that state which we call ‘being in love’; or, if you prefer, that kind of love which lovers are ‘in’” (117). He is describing what eros, romantic love is, to us. Although he does this in the book The Four Loves, he takes the effort to go through each type of love which he calls affection, friendship, eros, and charity. Focusing on Eros, a love where both parties in the relationship ‘desire’ each other. This ‘desire’ is what draws us into a relationship. We tend to buy a lock at the beginning of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean we use it. The initial lock we buy, still package can be returned. As the two partners grow closer, they rid themselves of the key, and need an agape, a supernatural love, to maintain it.
In first Corinthians 1: 1–13 Saint Paul says that even if we have “faith to move mountains” or if we “give all I possess to the poor…but do not have love” then we are “nothing”. We are just hollow shells with no motivation or values. Without love we won’t find fulfillment in our lives as well as without God we will continue to be empty. We could sacrifice ourselves for someone “but if we do not love,” then we will not gain anything. We’re simply building an identity outside of God with a reputation that will mean nothing. There is no fulfillment without God, His love is a lock that needs no key because it is open to all who want to be a part of it. He made us in His image, and he is a loving God, He even states it is not good for man to be alone. We are designed to love and if we can’t do that everything becomes meaningless.
As I develop my own ideas of commitment, I reflect on my relationship with my future husband. I want him to know these thoughts. I don’t know how we’ll meet or what grand gestures of love we’ll make for each other, or how we’ll be able to grow closer to each other. I don’t know how we’ll last. I’m scared I won’t be enough and am afraid you’ll come to realize that and leave me. Although I know I will love you completely. Will we ever be able to feel a real Love or be able to overcome any challenge? Will we be able to know each other? Will be able to buy a lock and commit to each other? Are you scared of yourself or even me? We’re both image-bearers of God, but always fall short. If we consistently rely on God, can we make it? Will God fulfill our missing pieces and make us whole? Will that be enough to make us last? Stay with me, let us help each other build our own foundation and discover how to stay with each other without destroying each other. Give me, us, a chance. A relationship takes a lot of work, let us build a lifetime together. I have hope for us.
