Redemption
Love, Romance and the Quantification of Women
I once saw a video about a man attempting to quantify the personality traits and level of attractiveness of women. He argued that all women sit on an XY axis of attractiveness and crazy. He then explained that there are different zones along this axis and the type of women that sit in each zone. Each zone had a corresponding experience in which to have with these women. The first zone was the “dead zone”; this zone was generally women that were low in attractiveness and high in crazy. The rule was: not to pursue these women in an intimate relationship. The next group were high in attractive and high in crazy. This group was the “one-nighters” these women are suited to having non-committal sexual relationships but would drive you insane if you dated them. The final group were women who were high in attractiveness and moderate-low in crazy. This group was classified as the “wife zone”.
After watching this video, I tried to apply these rules to one of my friend’s relationships. My best friend was the only one in my friendship group who was in a committed relationship. To give context, the girl he was dating had been the perpetrator of several conflicts within our friendship group, including openly cheating on him on a night out. This confused me. She was of moderate attractiveness but was extremely high in crazy. Not only was she not classified in the “wife zone”, but her personality was the polar opposite of my best friends. Why would he choose to date this girl MULTIPLE TIMES!? It dawned on me that this method of quantifying love was more guide than gospel.
In chapter thirteen of Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz, he writes, “I will redeem you if you redeem me?” Although the context of this paragraph is from a Christian perspective of redemption, and Miller writes that God is the only redeemer. However, as a non-christian, I thought that perhaps we are redeemed by finding someone who compensates for our deficiencies thereby becoming whole. When I thought about why my best friend chose this girl as his partner it made more sense. He is calm, quiet, dedicated and focused; she is loud, obnoxious, frivolous yet passionate. It seems to be a case of opposites attracting; each of these traits came together like yin and yang and created balance, and I think their relationship is the manifestation of their completeness.
The dictionary has two definitions of redemption. The first; an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed. The second is a theological definition, a deliverance from sin, salvation. This made me think that there are steps to redemption. The first being our actions, in the context of love and romance, this would be finding love and eventually marrying someone who completes you. The second step is divine redemption. I think this means finding God’s love, the agape. This idea has helped me reconcile Christian beliefs on original sin. I don’t like the idea that we are inherently broken because it didn’t offer any solution other than divine intervention. I interpreted this as leaving the door open to evil if you knew God would redeem you. This idea of actionable and divine redemption offers a middle ground between these two ideas.
This led me to think about my relationship with God or a lack thereof. I don’t believe that I need divine redemption because I haven’t needed it. Throughout my life I have actionably redeemed myself; if I’ve ever needed help I’d look to my friends and family. However, if I was to have a relationship with God, I think it would be analogous to my dad and me. We have a lowkey, low-maintenance relationship. He trusts that I am doing the right thing; I only ever ask for help if I need it. I hope God recognizes that he can leave me to my own devices without much worry or interference. Let me redeem myself before I redeem myself through you.
