Relationships Are Like Rubber Bands…*
They Have Some Stetch To Them
“Relationships are like rubber bands… when one person pulls away, the other is attracted, and when the other person pulls away, well, that just draws the other one even closer,” explained Donald Miller in his book Blue Like Jazz. Miller is right and I agree with this quote a lot. Also, it does not have to pertain to a romantic relationship like you would assume it to be based upon.
This quote immediately made me think of the relationship my mother and I have. When I was home — right around the time of my last semester of high school and the summer following my graduation — I was very mean to my mom. I hate to admit it, but I realized how rude I was after I left for college. The moment we said goodbye and I was on my own, I felt a massive amount of regret from how rude I had been. That separation of her leaving is like that rubber band pulling apart. That only made me come closer to her and now I can show her the love she really deserves.
I found a quote from William W. Purkey and he says, “You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening and love like it’s heaven on earth.” What caught my eye here was the “love like you’ll never be hurt.” To me, this means to give everything you have into that relationship without being afraid of being hurt. You do not even want to think about that because if you do, then you start to take important parts of loving someone out of the equation and things fall apart. Loving like you will never be hurt makes you become closer to that person and you have that pull of the rubberband behind you.
Romans 12:10 states “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourself.” This, to me, connects directly to Purkey’s quote. You must devote yourself to each other in order to feel the love that is there and put them above yourself.
When we were in class one day, Professor Watney wanted us to write down what some of our classmates say when we discussed this topic. I think we were talking about the cartoon that Miller had in his book Blue Like Jazz that showed a man who had been lost in space in a special suit that kept him alive. Yes, he was alive, but no one cared enough to go and get him from space so he was locked up in this suit all alone.
Breona then said, “If you keep you heart locked up you will not be able to give nor receive love.” The idea of locking up your heart and not being able to receive or give love relates to that man lost in space. He was locked up in that suit not being able to receive any help nor help himself in anyway and he became so lonely he ended up passing away. Being locked away does not allow you to have that “rubberband” love. When you are almost content with being secure with your love, you can’t experience that pull and attract love that a rubber band demonstrates.
In C.S. Lewis’s book, The Four Loves, he says, “Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keep it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.” I believe that what Lewis is saying is that there is always going to be risk in love. It is a game that you have to play and gamble on. Just like in Las Vegas, you can go there with 5,000 dollars and not gamble on anything and leave with 5,000 dollars. Or you could risk that 5,000 dollars on the roulette wheel and maybe leave with 50,000 dollars. But you could just as easily leave Las Vegas 5,000 dollars poorer.
Love, in a sense, is the same way. To love, you need to pour your heart into the other in order to get that love back, and there is that risk of them taking your time and effort and throwing it out the window and wasting your time and breaking you, but there is also that chance that they match your energy and you feel that love and fall in love and feel that happiness that everyone longs for.
And this principle does not only just apply to romantic love. The love that you share with your siblings and your best friends is very unique as well. My best friend and I share a love much different than the love that me and my sister share. My sister and I get along very well which surprises a lot of people because most siblings fight all the time. Don’t get me wrong, we do fight, but I also have her name itched into my skin with permanent ink on my back. I would do anything for my sister because of that relationship and love I have for her. But my best friend and I have grown up together. My earliest memories have him in them. He will be the best man in my wedding and is almost like that brother I never really had. He has been there for me when I was going through rough times and has always had my back in any situation. I would do the exact same for him because of the brotherly love we have. We both pick on each other like we are brothers and get into fights as well. But the fights are like the rubber band idea — we get pulled apart and that ends up bringing us closer — as they strengthen our relationship.
People seem to think that in order to experience love — true love at that — you must find your soulmate. Some also think that once you find that person that was meant for you, everything will be just fine forever. There will never be issues with that love and it will just automatically grow without them doing anything. A car has an engine but can’t go anywhere without gas. You must put forth effort to the love — and at times pull apart from that relationship to have that rubber band love — in order for it to succeed. When one partner pulls apart, they can see if that rubber band will snap or if it will attract the other side and grow that relationship to be something special.
