‘The Talking Stage’
‘Bread you Crumble Almost Unconsciously During a Long Dinner’
Love, the thing many seek, yet often never achieve. But, how? How do we attain a relationship with the one we love or those we find interest in? I like to believe we create a friendship (or philia) — one of four loves described by C.S Lewis, and the most disregarded.
Growing up, I always had this perception of girls. I believe that they were pretty and scary. (Together, they are pretty scary.) I was always so shy talking to a girl. I still am, but that is beside the point. I had crushes on the prettiest girls, but unaware, I was going through my stage of childhood obesity. So, naturally, I never dared to approach her. Again, I still don’t talk to the pretty girls on campus. I’d rather save myself the embarrassment of rejection and think to myself that they have a boyfriend or are just too pretty for me. Much like a song by Vance Joy titled: ‘Riptide’.
He sings, “I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations.”
Every time I hear those words, I’m like, “Hey, that’s me!” My brother and I tend to think that is the hardest part of getting into a relationship or falling in love; ‘the talking stage’. Trust me, we have the worst luck with girls and relationships. I mean, I could argue that we give the best advice to one another about relationships or even to other people, but we can’t get into a relationship. That’s like a bald barber giving the best haircuts and fades in the city, like how does that work? I can honestly say we have girlfriends, but it’s nothing to be proud of when none of them is your girlfriend. Much like bread and butter, not buttered bread.
Yes, the dreadful talking stage. I personally have only been in one relationship. She liked me and I liked her so that made things so much easier for me. It was easier because I was actually able to talk to her. Through this, I learned more about her. The things she liked and the things she disliked. We were able to build a connection that led to us being friends, best friends really. Ultimately, this later led to me attaining the goal many don’t or haven’t achieved, she was my girlfriend. We went on dates to baseball games, amusement parks, and fancy restaurants. The ones with bread and butter.
In a video titled, The Four Loves, C.S Lewis argues that in our age “it is much harder to talk about this, than storge or eros,” because the “importance, beauty, and value” of storge and eros “have been stressed and exaggerated.” This brings me to ask,
“What makes the importance, beauty, and value of philia less than those of storge or eros?”
I believe there is importance, beauty, and value in every aspect of love. I just so happen to find that philia needs more recognition. I mean there truly is beauty in sitting at weddings and hearing about the story of how two friends become lovers. I value those stories. I sit there and think to myself,
“That will be me one day.”
I mean don’t we all? I feel that many people disregard the ‘talking stage’ because they are more so focused on the end goal of marriage. I mean, yes, it’s cool but so exaggerated and overrated. Just like C.S Lewis again later argues that philia is much like “the bread you crumble almost unconsciously during a long dinner.” The recognition is there but very much disregarded. I mean, without a friendship being built, you have no companion, and without a companion, there really is no marriage in line.
We truly need a companion. As derived from Latin origin; ‘Com-” meaning: together with. And, ‘Pan-” meaning: bread. This can be defined as “one you eat bread with,” or “one who breaks bread with one another.” Truly the beauty in this is truly amazing, yet sadly disregarded. I often hear the excuse of, “Well, I am just wasting my time.” I like to believe that we have all the time in the world to get to know someone, it’s just a matter of initiating the conversation and overcoming the talking stage because then, you’ll have all the time in the world to fall in love.
So, I urge you to take this. Take this and find your own value in finding your companion. Build a friendship and see the beauty and importance in the idea of philia. Go on those fancy dates with the one you break and eat bread with. Find the bread to your butter and you may be lucky enough to be in love with your best friend.
