12 Birthday Gifts for the Niece you Barely Know

She seems nice. What grade is she in, again?

  1. A sticker book. For long car rides to.. wherever it is that you go!
  2. Purple shoelaces, 2. You can put them on any of your shoes. Go wild!
  3. Stuffed animal, firm and more hairy than fluffy. Seems like something you could sleep with, or just put on or near your bed?
  4. $20 Chiles gift card. Every girl likes to have fun with her friends, right? You have friends, right?
  5. Mug with witty saying, full of jelly-beans. There’s a little something fun in there, see? It doesn’t matter if you don’t drink coffee yet.
  6. A subscription to Tiger Beat Magazine. Boys, boys, boys!
  7. A Lite Brite. We played with one of those when I was a kid, you know. There’s instructions in the box.
  8. Upholstered jewelry box full of socks. Really, though, it doesn’t have to be for jewelry. You can put anything you want in there. Baseball cards?
  9. Build Your Own Candle Set. Your mom has the receipt if you’d like to return it and get another color. Purple felt pretty universal, though?

10. Aquarium rocks. For your fish? Hamster? Salamander?

11. Off-brand box of drugstore chocolates. “Nougat?” I’m not actually sure what it is, specifically, but it’s good.

12. Weird throw pillow. Why don’t you have your mother give me a list next year.