Everything Bad About Me
On the occasion that I am ever criticized, here is a list of everything bad about me, so that you may know I was got there first, and am self-aware and good and thereby not worthy of your or anyone’s criticism…! Ho-HO!
Published in
2 min readJun 16, 2016
- i have a loud speaking voice
- i have a shrill speaking voice
- when i’ve had a drink, i tend to dominate the conversation
- when i’ve had a few drinks, I REALLY dominate the conversation
- always deodorant stains on the bottom of my shirts for some reason?
- I shed a lot. lottttta hair
- I spill a lot of food on my person and sometimes other persons?
- I do in fact usually eat the food that has spilled, if at all possible
- resting corpse face
- all my physical and vocal tics, just the whole spatial and physical experience of me
- chewing loudly
- not cool or interesting
- i have the same six stories that i cycle through, over and over
- makes a lot of jokes, most of them profoundly unfunny
- not even pretending to be interested in listening to your opinions on “The Alchemist”
- not even pretending to be interested in listening to your opinions on “The Secret”
- not even pretending to be interested in listening to your opinions on “The Fountainhead”
- smelly
- careless
- lazy
- obsessive
- unkind, antisocial
- stupid
- lacking in depth
- very, very bad
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST SO NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO SAY IT.
