Mini Me

This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin

This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin

They *** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And you don’t have any kids yourself.

Parental deprivation should not be passed down to our children.

This toxicity, in turn living vicariously through them.

Despite our best intentions, we end up enslaving our children to the emotional baggage inherited from our own parents. This in turn, binding the child to the debilitating legacy of our ancestor's past. As parents and/or adults, we are often caught in the frenzy of doing things right. This often makes us insensitive to our child’s uniqueness. This phenomenon is often seen as spoiling, literally and figuratively.

Spoiling your child is the worst tactic. It always comes back to haunt.

Let's reflect

Is your past living vicariously through your child?

• Is it a child’s behaviour, or is it you in the past?
• Are you obsessively involved in your child’s activities at the expense of your own well-being?
• Is it a child’s need, or is it your childhood deprivation?
• Do you force your child to do things that they don’t want to do and that are absolutely not essential?
• Are your decisions about your child’s life based on your own disappointments?
• Do you see your child’s achievements, behaviours and actions as a reflection of your own worth?
• Do you punish your child for underperformance?

Originally published at http://childpsychling.wordpress.com on November 21, 2019.

Then edited by Neurodivergent for publication (May 12 2023)