The Dichotomy of Control

The dichotomy of control is one of Stoicism’s simplest and most powerful ideas. The philosopher Epictetus explains the idea as follows:

Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing… If you regard that only that which is your own as being your own (as is indeed the case), no one will ever be able to coerce you, no one will hinder you, you’ll find fault with no one, you’ll accuse no one, you’ll do nothing whatever against your will, you’ll have no enemy, and no one will ever harm you because no harm can affect you.

This knowledge has spread through many areas of culture from fortune cookies to professional therapeutic practices. It’s in the popular phrase:

If there’s something that upsets you about the world, change it or change your attitude.

Because this advice is so common, we often forget to practice it. In part, it is so common because it is hard to practice.

Note when you become frustrated by things that you cannot control. When you face stress, disappointment and anxiety ask yourself if you can change whatever stresses, disappoints, or vexes you. If you can, act. If not, see if you can practice acceptance and move on.

Often whether or not you can change something, is a complicated matter. For example, you may be unhappy with your relationship with a sibling. There are many constituent parts that make up this relationship: how the two of you feel about each other, what you say to him or her, your past, the last time you contacted them. Some of these things are under your control, others or not. How your sibling feels about you is not under your direct control, but what you say to them is. Decompose things into smaller and smaller pieces in order to get a handle on what is under your control or not.