The Discipline of Desire

Yesterday we introduced the Stoic discipline of judgment. Today, we’ll introduce the discipline of desire.

The core idea behind the discipline of desire is the dichotomy of control.

The idea is simple: some things are under our control, others are not. Under our direct control are our reactions, judgements, desires, and actions. Everything else is out of our hands. Sure, we can try to achieve goals outside of our immediate locus of control — and often we should give these goals our all. However, we are almost never in complete control. Sometimes we can do everything right and still fall short.

This approach to life is expressed by the famous serenity prayer:

“God, grant me the ability to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.”

Often, because we want to change things that are out of our hands, we end up causing ourselves great stress. We fret about the past and future. We worry about how others perceive us. Needless to say, this is unpleasant.

When we focus on what is out of our control, not only do we cause ourselves unnecessary suffering, we focus on the wrong things. If before going to an interview, you are anxious about whether the interviewees will like you, you avoid spending time thinking about what concrete things you can do to increase your chances of getting the job.

Meditation is one tool that one can use to practice the discipline of desire. First, by meditating we build the skill of accepting what is out of our grasp. Second, we improve our ability to stay present and determine what is in our control and what is not.

When we meditate we strengthen our attention and ability to be present. By applying careful attention to our desires, we gain the ability to catch them when they reach beyond the locus of our control. With a stronger sense of presence, we can be poised to act when it matters most.