On Fear

“When you worry, ask yourself, ‘what am I choosing not to see right now?’ What important things are you missing because you chose worry over introspection, alertness or wisdom?” — Gavin De Becker

To me, fear is the most basic reaction we have when facing an (unknown) obstacle. In retrospection most things I did not do didn’t happen because of fear. Fear of doing it wrong, getting negative feedback or none at all, etc.

What have I chosen not to see when experiencing fear? In some cases, it was the effect of learning something. valuable. I don’t know how many posts and comments I didn’t publish because I was afraid of saying the wrong things, upsetting someone or making any kind of other mistakes in my writing. Each time what I chose not to see was that if I was doing something wrong I could learn from it.

In Stoic philosophy, the most important teaching is to know the difference between what we can change and what we can’t change because it is external and therefore can’t be within our control.
2.5 years ago I accepted the fact, that my outside world is not in my control. I can’t form it the way I like it to be. I can’t change the way people react to this post or to any other things I say/write/do. I can’t change the way people react to me personally, whether they like me or not. I simply can’t change other people to my liking.

I will fight my initial reactions (of fear) by remembering what the Stoics taught me about control and letting go.