Codependency and Stoicism
Building the courage to leave unhealthy relationships
The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own — Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5.4–5
“Hi, I’m Kasey and I have a corrupt sense of piety, confusing relationships for charity cases. Because it gives me a feeling of self-worth, I’ll be acting as both your caseworker and enabler for the next 4 to 7 years. Yes, I have decided that you need to be saved from yourself and I’m the savior you’ve been looking for.
“When this is all over, I’ll resent you for a half decade’s worth of emotional unfulfillment, even though it was me who refused to leave because ‘I didn’t want to hurt you’, and made you ultimately worse off because I did not have the skillset to treat someone with mental illness. Instead, I opted to disrespect you by staying with you out of pity and because I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment.”
That is how I could have introduced myself to nearly every boyfriend I’ve ever had.
