Izabel Laxamana & Cersei Lannister: The Brutality of Slut Shaming Exposed in Life & Art
By Katie Cappiello
Izabel Laxamana, a 13-year-old 7th grader from Tacoma, Washington, took a picture of herself in a sports bra and leggings and sent it to a boy.
Three days later she jumped to her death.
In the eight suicide notes she typed on her iPod to family members and a friend, Izabel referenced the shame she caused her family, “She explained that she did some things that were embarrassing, and she did not want to take the family name down with her,” Tacoma Police spokeswoman Loretta Cool told the press.
If you’re anything like me, you’re agonizing over this question: How could a modern-day middle schooler believe she wronged her family so severely with the sharing of a selfie?
The answer: Her father told her. More accurately, he showed her.
After finding out about Izabel’s sports bra photo from concerned school administrators, her father brought her into the family garage and chopped off her lengthy, dark hair– leaving only one long chunk to remind Izzy of what she had sacrificed and to further her embarrassment. Adding insult to injury, he recorded the punishment and it was uploaded to YouTube — a very public slut shaming of his child.
“Consequences of getting messed up, man…you lost all that beautiful hair. Was is worth it?” Her father asks from behind the camera, as he pans from the big pile of hair on the floor to his daughter’s face.
Izzy stares at the ground and responds, “No.”
“How many times did I warn you?”
“A lot,” she answers in a tiny voice and stares into the camera.
“Okay!” He responds.
Then the video goes to black.
This video, which has since been removed from YouTube, was shared by students at Izzy’s school throughout the following day. She quickly became a target– humiliated by her peers in person and on social media platforms. When Izzy’s school noticed the shocking change in her hair and saw the video, they offered Izzy support. They also called child protective services.
The next day, Izabel threw herself off a highway overpass into the traffic below.
I couldn’t stop thinking of Izabel last Sunday night.
As I sat and watched scenes from HBO’s Game of Thrones season 5 finale unfold, I said out loud, “This is sick.”
Then I thought, And it’s not really fiction.
In the final moments of the episode, Cersei Lannister, former Queen, mother of the current Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and a character many fans of the series love to hate, sits on a stool her cell. After being held prisoner, starved and beaten by religious police for sexual indecency, Cersei must now “atone” for her sins. With her eyes cast to the ground, Cersei shivers as a nun roughly hacks off her famous, long blond hair– a punishment ordered by the High Sparrow. And it is the High Sparrow, a religious man of great virtue, who also condemns Cersei to a sickening sentence of public shame.
Stripped of her hair and her clothing, (basically her power, respectability and humanity) Cersei is forced to walk through the city, vulnerable and humiliated, as fellow citizens literally slut shame her (calling her a whore and spitting on her) for violating the sexual mores set out for women.
Upsetting to watch.
Even more upsetting is the realization that this gut-wrenching scene from a medieval fantasy drama was reality for Izabel Laxamana. Scenarios akin to this are all too familiar and relatable for so many girls and young women in the US and around the globe who are mercilessly, often publicly, shamed and abused by family, friends, peers, educators, lawmakers, and the general public for wearing short skirts, wearing leggings, showing their midriff, showing their hair, wearing make-up, talking to boys, flirting with boys, having sex, sending a sexy selfie…
For days, Games of Thrones fans everywhere raged for Cersei. Tweeting and posting countless variations of “She didn’t deserve that!” “No one should be shamed that way!” And the media jumped onboard too– with article after article popping up about the “brutal” “cataclysmic” “torture” Cersei endured.
So here’s my question: When will we rage so passionately for all the real girls like Izabel?
When will we be disgusted enough by the daily shaming they face? When will we be empathic enough? When will we be tuned-in to reality enough to actually say “enough is enough” for all the REAL girls?
Soon, I hope.
Until then, we’re no better than that angry mob in King’s Landing.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you’re in crisis or feeling suicidal, please call 1–800–273–8255. You can also chat online with someone from NSPL at any time, day or night.
