2. Numbers in History
Part 1
Dead in your 40s. What a concept!
That's what Jenn thought as she saw the rocketship filled with the last millionaires preparing to leave earth. She had tried to get on that ship, and she had failed. So now, she was suffocating. She desperately searched in her bag for one last charge for her oxygen mask, but she was unsuccessful. Nothing but her teddy bear, an unripped avocado, a flare gun, and a bit of water in the bottom of her bottle.
She knew she was dying. There was no point in denying it. The earth was dying, and the last plausible survivors were leaving on that ship. She and millions more were doomed to pass on this rotten blue dot like some sort of dinosaur. She drank water for one last time, making her even more sad. That's not how water is supposed to feel. She laid down in the grass and realized that that wasn't how the grass was supposed to feel either. A long coming sad situation that was finally coming to an end.
Her eyes were itchy. Her skin filled with blisters. As she made an effort to inhale, she finally accepted her destiny as a number in History, and she passed away.
And suddenly, the grass was soft again. Tears cleaned her eyes. A warm sun hugged her skin until a wet tongue on her cheek compelled her to open her eyes.
It was her dog Ziggy. And that's how she knew she was in Heaven.
As Ziggy jumped, barked, and wagged his tail at the excitement of seeing her after five years, Jenn exhaled at the realization that Heaven seemed like a cool place after all. One of the things about being an atheist is the anxiety of not knowing. Jenn was not ashamed to admit that she had greatly envied the believers in her last years. At least they thought they knew, and fewer things bring more comfort to a human being than thinking you know.
As she hugged, squeezed, and jumped with Ziggy, she realized Heaven was a sunny, crisp autumn forest. She thought that if there was also a library and a Starbucks, then she was set. Being dead was going to be awesome.
Hello. — a female voice that wasn't her own. She turned around and saw five people. Their clothes seemed to be from different periods.
Hello. Is this Heaven? — she asked
It is. — the female answer. — I'm Ava. — she looked like a milkmaid from the middle ages, but Jenn wasn't sure. Maybe she was just a Renaceince cosplayer.
I'm Chip. — the kid introduced himself. He looked like a character from a Dicken novel.
I'm Ben. — a soldier, maybe from WWI.
I'm Ike. — a black man
I'm Grace .— Jenn knew a midwestern 50s housewife when she saw one.
We are your onboarding committee — They said together
My onboarding committee? — Jenn repeated
Everyone who comes to Heaven gets an onboarding committee set up by The Firm to help them acclimate to Heaven. — Ava explained
The Firm? — Jenn had been a corporate girly, so she couldn't help but smile at the thought that Heaven was organized as a corporation. If she girled boss and leaned in, could she maybe become God?
Well, someone needs to make sure everything runs smoothly. That's The Firm. — Grace explained with a smile while she walked towards Jenn with a basket — Magdalene?
Thank you. — Sinking her teeth into the softest Magdalene she could remember was the first heavenly thing she experienced, and she was glad that this was going to be her first heaven core memory. — So, what is that you do?
We answer your questions, darling — was it possible that fuck boys existed in 1914? — and we explore Heaven with you. It would be terrible for you to get lost.
Each person gets their own version of Heaven, though. A small universe of the things you like and bring you peace — Ava added — So we don't know what's in yours. Heaven can be a bit solitary sometimes, and processing that you are no longer living… well, it's hard for some people. We are here to help you cope with the transition.
Well, let's get to exploring then — Jenn said jokingly, looking directly at Chip. She realized he was skinny and had a couple of burn marks on his face. — Shall we? — she extended her hand at Chip, and Ziggy immediately encouraged the boy to take it. Chip smiled and took Jenn's hand while hopping to get by her side. For a moment, the irony of experiencing a bit of motherhood in Heaven when she had chosen to avoid it in real life sunken her heart. — What's your Heaven like? — she asked to get out of that moment.
A warm house, a mum and a dad (but not my mum and my dad) — he said the last part under his breath, knowing that his birth parents weren't in Heaven — a couple of brothers and sisters and we all play and laugh together. And eat, too.
That's nice. — Jenn wanted to ask, but she didn't want to be rude or ruin this lovely walk in the woods
You can ask. — Chip said, almost reading her mind. — It's part of our job as your onboarding committee to tell you how we died. It's supposed to help you.
How did you all die?
I was working on a mine, and the roof collapsed — Chip said, shrugging. Jenn looked at Ava.
The black death — she said, also shrugging.
In some battlefield in France — Ben said, looking at the ground. Almost ashamed.
I drown — Ike finally spoke — I was taken from home, chained, put in a boat, and the boat sank. I drown. — he looked directly at Jenn. No shrugging, no shame, but anger and disappointment. Jenn wanted to look down, but as a blond white woman, she held his stare and nodded in respect.
Well, my story is silly. — Grace cut the tension with her sweet voice. Ava looked uncomfortable. — I was trying to lose weight, and I guess I took too many pills, and my heart gave up. — she said laughingly as a bad self-deprecating joke.
I'm so sorry for all of you, but I don't understand how you are supposed to help me. I think I'm okay with dying. This forest is lovely. It's been so long since the earth had a forest this lovely. And… — Suddenly, they weren't in the forest. Suddenly there was a wooden floor, the glare of a fireplace, a brown leader sofa with a huge cashmere blanket, and green bookcases filled with books. Was this a pin from one of her many Pinterest boards?
Yes. — Ava said — The Firm takes your Pinterest boards and uses them to create your Heaven. That's actually how Pinterest makes money.
I have always wondered… — Jenn said in awe while basking in the glory of that room. Was that a picture window? Was that Edinburgh outside? Was it raining?
Yes, darling. It's all of that. — Ben said. It was so weird that they could read her thoughts. She would have to be careful.
Guys, this is really cool. I genuinely don't think I need you. — Ike looked disappointed
Another Millennial that takes it too well. How original! — Was Ike Millennial shaming her?
What's that supposed to mean?
Part 2
Suddenly they were in a dentist's waiting room. Jenn didn't need an onboarding committee to understand that she was now in Hell.
What happened? Why are we here? — she said in desperation
Members of the onboarding committee have oversight over an inductee's destiny. If one of us feels that you are not worthy of Heaven… — Ava explained while looking at Ike.
What did I do to you? — Jenn said, trying to keep her cool
Why aren't you mad? Why didn't you do something? — Ike replied
Excuse me?
Humanity survived. We survived so many things. The black death, slavery, colonialism, the industrial revolution — Ike paused — the 50s… — he said, trying to remain serious and ignoring Grace weakened his argument. — But we get to you, Millennials, and we are doomed!
Okay, boomer — she had to. She wasn't sure they would get the reference, but she had to. — It's not like I was in charge.
You were the adult in the room. You are 40 years old, even if you do look younger.
Thank you. — she didn't want to come off rude. After all, she was still trying to get back to Heaven. — Yes, I'm an adult, but I wasn't in charge. We are the only generation that came to adulthood and isn't allowed to be in charge. But even so… I mean, you were also the adult. Why didn't you stop slavery?
We didn't have access to technology, wealth, to democracy.
Hey! I voted. Every single time. I went to school as I was told. I got a job and put in the hours, as I was told. I stopped using straws and menstrual pads. I recycled and composted. I thrifted clothes. I got an electric car. I stopped eating meat and even went without avocados for a year! I did everything I was asked to, and still… — she paused. Ike smiled because he knew she knew. — We all did. All my friends, everyone I knew. We did as we were told, and still, we were doomed.
It happened to all of us, really — Ben said. And everyone on the committee rolled their eyes. Ben got frustrated. — You guys don't believe me, but I didn't want to go to war. I was promised… I was lied to. I was so poor, I couldn't get a job, the girl I liked wouldn't look at me, and he was so… he said… — Jenn realized Ben's uniform wasn't from 1914, but from 1940 and instinctively took a step back, as one does when one realizes is standing next to a Nazi.
How come you are on my onboarding committee? How come you were in Heaven? — Jenn asked
Community service. I have 1 million more hours to do, and The Firm may let me in. I have been in Hell for the last century, but perhaps I can redeem myself. — Who knew God believed in restorative justice? Jenn thought, trying to push aside the thought that, for a moment, she had felt attracted to Ben.
I didn't have any chance, either. — Chip said, looking at Jenn — But now I'm here, and I get everything I couldn't have when I was alive. If you ask me, being alive was the true Hell, and Heaven feels like living should feel, but very often doesn't.
Do you want to talk about life imitating Hell? Can you imagine 50% of the population dying? — So far, Ava had acted as a voice for reason, like a detached leader in this unlikely committee. Jenn understood that everyone respected her for her seniority in death and for what she had endured in life.
Well, I sure don't know what you are all talking about. — Grace chuckled — The industrial revolution was wonderful; so much wealth was generated. And humanity learned about health and cleanliness from the black death. And sure, slavery and WWII were bad, but I'm sure something good also came out of it. For you is terrible because it was your life, but in the greatness of God's plan, that's how humanity advances. That's how figures emerge from numbers in History. Even now, while Jenn is here, the best humans survived, and they are starting to thrive on a new planet. I mean, what an exciting new chapter for humanity!
You mean the wealthiest, not the best — Jenn corrected
Same thing — Grace shrugged. And they all looked at her.
And what about you? — Ike said, walking towards Grace
What about me? Oh, you mean my death? Mine was different. It was just a silly accident. My fault, really. I was such a clutz. I was sad, of course, when I realized. It was weird at first because I knew I had taken the pills exactly as my Doctor had told me. But it must have been my mistake. I'm such a clutz. — Ava looked to the grown, and Jenn instinctively followed. They were no longer at the dentist. It was just an empty endless white space.
Part 3
We are in Purgatory. — Ben whispered to Jenn. She again moved instinctively away from him and closer to Ike.
This is good. — Ike nodded
Why? — Jenn asked him
You'll see. — he smiled, while Ava looked worried.
But in Heaven, I get to cook. — Grace continued her meditation about her death — No one is here to eat it. I don't know why my family's Heaven doesn't include me, but I'm sure someday The Firm will get us together. And when that day comes, I'm going to cook for them.
You know — Jenn started but was interrupted by Ava
Don't. It's useless to tell her. It won't do her any good, and she won't believe you.
What dear? — Grace smiled
They used to give women the wrong prescription all the time in the 50s. Hundreds of women overdosed because of prescription drugs, doing what their doctors told them. Something about not testing drugs in women and making generic doses that applied only to men's body weight…
No, I'm sure you are not right. — Grace disputed
Oh, but she is. You are but a number in History, Grace. — Ike said smiling — Just like the rest of us.
No, I'm not. — Grace said in that polite way women like her tried to express their disagreement firmly. — I lived in a lovely neighborhood. I threw the most wonderful high society parties. My husband was a very renowned Doctor. We had just moved to Manhattan.
Was he your Doctor? — Ben said with a hint of sarcasm
Yes, of course. — They all tried to keep their eyes from meeting Grace. Ben was going to continue pushing, but Ava shook her head, and he stopped. He was trying to redeem himself, after all.
Why are we in Purgatory? — Jenn asked, directing her question at Ava
I don't know. But Purgatory is the place where The Firm makes decisions.
What type of decisions? — Jenn took a step towards Ava.
Who goes to Heaven, and who goes to Hell.
And who goes back to earth — Ike said while looking at the ground.
Is that an option? — Jenn asked in disbelief.
It's an option. — Ava admitted
Oh, honey! You wouldn't want to go back to earth! — Grace exclaimed. — There's no point. If you don't die today, you will die in a few days. Their first decision was to send you to Heaven. If you stop saying such unsavory things, I'm sure they will send you right back up.
Jenn assumed Grace was right. She had only seen a bit of Heaven, but it was really nice, and there was no chance of surviving on Earth. The last ship had left. Going back only meant suffering. And she definitely didn't want to risk an eternity waiting for the dentist.
You could do one more thing before you die. — Ike plead
What is left for me to do? — Jenn asked — Everyone I know is dead. Earth is beyond salvation. There are no more rockets. No way out.
You could hold the people responsible accountable. — Ike demanded
You are hilarious — Jenn had no idea was Ike was getting to.
You have a flare gun in your backpack, and that rocket is not that far. — Ike looked like he had been planning this for centuries.
There's no way I would make the shot. Where would I shoot? It's a freaking rocket ship. I doubt a flare gun can stop it.
Luke Skywalker was able to fire blasters into a small hole and blow up the Death Star — Chip said, and Jenn was genuinely impressed with his late 20-century pop culture knowledge. She wondered if his Heaven included a DVR, a cinema, or a Disney+ subscription.
That's a fantasy! — Jenn said in disbelief.
You thought this was a fantasy for much of your life, and here we are. — Ike continued his plead — You have the chance. You can be one of the millions who died on Earth due to Climate Change, or you could be the one that makes the true culprits pay. Be a figure, not a number.
I have to tell you — Ava interrupted. — Killing, even when one thinks it might be for a just cause — She said, looking back at Ben to make her point stronger — Is going to land you in Hell.
Exceptions can be made! — Ike shouted
Exceptions? — Jenn asked, almost giving up.
It's a Corporation. It's a matter of handling the politics — Ike shrugged.
Jenn stepped away from all of them. Flashes of her life came to her. Her quiet childhood. Her college years. The boy who had broken her heart. Her passion for her job. The taste of the first Mocca. Her favorite book. That time she got soaked while fooling around with a redheaded Scotsman. The sun in her best friend's face. She had had a wonderful life. A simple life without accomplishing many of the standard milestones, even though she had tried. But she had been a good girl, always following the line, always keeping her nose clean. She could continue that in Heaven for all eternity or try her shot at ruining a bunch of millionaires' hopes. An eternity at the dentist, though….
She looked back at her onboarding committee. What a group! She saw herself in all of them. They were, after all, regular people of their times. They had had ordinary lives until they faced a tragedy they did not fault creating. Their tragedy was that they didn't have a chance to escape or change course. Their names were forgotten. They were anonymous. Their deaths were justifiable. A rule of nature.
She took a deep breath. How wonderful it was to breathe air that was pure and full! She thought as she closed her eyes, a tear rolling down her cheek.
Next, she felt the dead grass beneath her and the pain of her blistering skin. She knew she had little time. She was, again, suffocating. She put her hand in her bag and, while giving her teddy bear a firm hug, aimed her flare gun at the ship that was in mid-air. Here's to the dentist! She thought.
She wasn't sure her cause was just, but her aim was true. The flare entered through a small hole and made the ship explode into a million pieces.
As she lay back in the dead grass, she couldn't help but think of the millions of people who, just like her, were dying in a random dead grass at that moment. Would they feel some comfort in seeing the rocket explode? She knew she had become an anonymous villain in the new Mars colony, but she was okay with being the hero of the numbers.
