How I Made Peace with my Night Owls

I used to get frustrated. I could not bear to see a beautiful morning wasted.

For me, the time early in the morning right after sunrise is precious, especially in the summer months. You wake up to a clear, blue sky and feel and smell the earth warming as the day begins. Sitting on your porch with a cup of coffee in hand, some toast with a bit of butter and maybe some raspberry jam, feet up on the chair beside you, and with nothing but the singing of birds and sometimes just the silence around you — you feel at one with yourself and the world.

At daybreak, you feel fresh and alive and full of energy to start the day. Even the morning air seems fresher than the air you breathe for the rest of day. It is the quiet time to plan and organize how your day will unfold. Thinking time. Time to notice how beautiful the flowers in your hanging baskets look and to notice that the plum tree has started to blossom or that it is time to paint the steps on the back porch again. If those Night Owls would only get up, perhaps we could get some of this work done! For a moment, the blood simmers.

At that time of day, you hear and notice your soul mates as they quietly water their plants, weed their lawns and put out their recycle boxes. All of them stealthily enjoying those morning hours as though in secret from the Night Owls. We wave at each other in those early hours and nod knowingly. We are part of the same tribe — in our pajamas with our chamomile tea and book in hand and in bed by 9 pm. If we stay up until midnight, we feel like party animals. It almost seems naughty to live life on the other side.

Then suddenly, the blissful silence is broken. “Mom, stop making noise, we are all sleeping!” they implore. “Why can’t you just stay in bed like the rest of us?”

I realize that I am an Early Bird cohabiting with a flock of Night Owls. Really, not one child could have been a morning person? How could this happen?

Here I am. An Early Bird destined to tip-toe around the house in the morning. Loading the dishwasher and the washing machine but unable to start them. Carefully avoiding clinking the dishes together in the sink as I wash them. Out for a morning walk and back and they are still sleeping. Can’t they see what they are missing? What is wrong with them?

They wake up groggy and grouchy not refreshed and bright-eyed. They slump into the kitchen to make their coffee. Don’t even think of having a conversation with them. They are incoherent. Like pre-programmed zombies, they shower and dress and make their way out the door to start the day.

Several hours later, we re-encounter the Night Owls. They prattle away about their day rapidly. They yell over their shoulder at you about some event that they have to get ready for. Gleaming eyes, flashing smiles — they buzz with activity. Homework is rapidly completed. Lawns are mowed. Dinner is made. You hear them outside talking to the neighbor animatedly. They tell you they’re going for a quick run. “Now”, you say, “aren't you tired?” “Of course not,” they reply.

Curled up in your bed, you hear them laughing downstairs. At dinner the next day, they will tell you about how great the movie was that they watched or how you should have stayed longer at the party. You will hear all the details about the fabulous food, the bustling crowds, the bright lights and the music.

You feel a slight twinge of melancholy.

OK, so I know the science, it is because of circadian rhythms. The 24-hour cycle biological processes that control our sleep patterns. Yes, it is in our genes. The scientists can actually pinpoint what categories we are in: Early Birds, Middle People and Night Owls. I cannot change this. I cannot be part of their secret club nor can they be part of mine.

So, we meet in the middle for awhile each day and make the very best of it. Occasionally, for reasons of necessity, we will alter our normal patterns and experience life in the other flock — the fishing trip, the wedding reception, the ferry ride and so on. We have an accord of sorts. It works.

“Pipe-down you guys!” Mom is trying to sleep. Now, it is their turn to tip-toe. Touché.