I sincerely thought I was going to DIE

And it was for the stupidest reason ever

I have put myself in a lot of crazy situations, done a lot of stupid shit, and had quite a few accidents. But of all the things I’ve done (e.g. Getting stitches as a kid, almost getting in a huge car wreck before graduation, ghetto parties with idiots and guns, skydiving, wiping out while skateboarding without protection, etc.) not once did I really believe I was going to die.

Anyways, the other day I had a mini meltdown and thought for sure that I could actually be in a position where death was imminent and I had no control of the situation. Lesson learned: don’t start googling symptoms and ailments when you’re in a foreign communist country with no access to medical services…it really does shit to your head.

The situation I found myself in, was that after flying on 5 different flights over the course of 4 days, my legs and ankles were incredibly swollen. Upon arriving in Hanoi, Vietnam, at midnight on a Saturday, by Sunday afternoon I was expecting all flight ailments to have subsided. Then, while sitting with my feet elevated at a coffee shop, trying to get some work done, I decided to google how to fix this stupid swollen ankle problem.

Nothing was hurting, but I had some SERIOUS KANKLES.

So I started googling what might be the issue. Since I hadn’t had that intense of a travel itinerary before, and my last overseas flight I had been smart enough to wear my compression socks, I was curious what the deal was.

DVT stands for Deep Vein Trombosis or something like that. It’s when there is trauma to the veins that causes a lot of swelling and can be often caused by blood clots. People who are prone to blood clots include; women taking birth control — check, those not regularly physically active — just spent 2 weeks on my ass trying to recover from my skateboarding accident, those that are over weight — traveling and well…pasta, have me carrying a few extra pounds these days, and then a whole list of other things that put you at risk.

So I started to get a little worried. Then I read that if within a few hours after your flight, swelling doesn’t go down, you should see a doctor because there is a chance you could have a blood clot. AND if said blood clot gets knocked loose, it could end up in your lungs or some shit and you can literally die.

What the fuck Google! Are you teamed up with physicians to drive people to seek medical attention for every little thing?!

So my heart begins to race, I call my mom when it’s about 4am her time, and I tell my brother we need to pack up a go. Like, just walk around, find a doctor or something. It was the most chaotic moment of my travels and I think I probably freaked my brother out on his first day EVER abroad.

When looking back, now a day later and ankles back to normal, I think why was I so worried about this stupid little thing? Why so worried about THIS when I was planning a cross country motorbike ride, had just made it through a stupid skateboard wipeout that had me at a Spanish hospital everyday for a week getting tended to and have many more crazy adventures to come?

And then I realized that I am a control freak. The thing that freaked me out the most was that this was not how I CHOSE to go. It just wasn’t epic enough. I fly all around the world to end up dead because of swollen ankles?! No! I can’t handle that! I refuse!!

After some reassuring words from my mom and about an hours time walking around and coming to an “it’s out of your hands” mentality. I finally chilled and let it ride out. But the whole ordeal really got me thinking. My reaction was absolutely ridiculous and I think it was deeply rooted in my worries about my current location, my shaken confidence in self preservation because of the previous week and a deep concern for my health just over all as I have been traveling.

I hit that breaking point where I was like, this is it, you’ve tested your luck long enough and now this is what you get, some unforeseen game ender. My paranoia got the best of me.

Then this morning at breakfast, I laughed with my brother about it and told him we’ll now always remember the time “invincible” Maggie thought she was gonna die because her dumb ankles were swollen…

Now, let’s just hope for safe travels as we embark tomorrow on our little Honda motorcycles out to Ha Long Bay.