I refuse to be judged

By those who sit comfortably in their own delusion

There can be any number of things that make social gatherings awkward and uncomfortable.

In situations like that, especially when you are meeting people whom you rarely see more than once a year — the folks whom you would not actually make the active choice to ‘hang out with’ on a regular basis, social gatherings turn out to be nothing more than meet ups to check to see if the other person is still around and to make polite conversations that typically start with ‘what are you doing now?’ or perhaps even ‘when are you getting married’ considering the fact that most of my peers are nearing or past the quarter century mark.

Old impressions die hard — it is almost borderline tragic that most people’s impression of others are more or less etched in the mental equivalent of solid stone and that image rarely gets updated even in the advent of social media like Facebook where a gazillion updates can be made.

A lot of people find it uncomfortable to turn up at social events because they don’t quite know what to say of themselves. Sometimes, they fear what others might think of them and judge them based on what they've said of themselves.

It can get so bad that some people just avoid turning up in situations like that, making all sorts of excuses to be unavailable or not to turn up.

When they do, they find it uncomfortable for them to talk about what’s going on in their lives and they end up feeding some sanitized, safe bullshit cover story that everyone is familiar and comfortable with.

As a writer / speaker / entrepreneur type, I don’t quite fit into the mold of what people typically expect to hear when they ask what I do. When I do share what I do, it often leads to a number of different reactions depending on who it is I am speaking to.

For those who are just interested in making polite conversation and asking for the sake of just asking, it often leads to an awkward silence where they find themselves struggling to find something to add in as conversational fillers because their default ‘polite speak sequence’ is massively disrupted.

In some instances, there will be those who might think it to be their right and their place to offer unsolicited advice — sometimes out of well-meaning intent, while at times simply as a power play to mask their own insecurities or to emphasize their own need to feel important and superior as a know-it-all / seen-it-all type.

There will be some who might make innocuous remarks that sometimes border on being snide, like ‘wow, you work from home?’ and follow up with ‘You mean there’s such a good deal? You must be enjoying yourself!’

They make such remarks just because they can’t quite get over themselves and the fact that they have to suffer the perceived injustice and inconvenience of working of other people. They just hate the idea that you can ‘have it easy’.

What they don’t really see is the fact that ‘doing your own thing’ gives you a whole different dynamic of stress and it’s rarely a ‘job’ that you can clock off from or make full use of benefit claims for dental, medical and off-days.

That’s not to say it’s all bad — what it means is that there is an added dimension of responsibility and freedom in choosing what to do, when to do it and knowing that you are fully responsible for the outcomes as you plan and manage yourself in following through with those plans.

And then, there are those who would judge me and my choice of work when I tell them about what I do and they unceremoniously question if what I’m doing is considered to be ‘bullshitting for a living’ — insinuating that I’m ‘one of those people who just blow hot air and charge a crazy sum of money for it.’

This usually leads down to a path where people might proceed to question the validity of what I’m doing, what I’m saying and the value of it based simply off the fact that I’m young and they try their hardest to deem it as disadvantage.

What do I know? What makes me think that I am qualified to teach anyone anything?

Well, I might not know EVERYTHING there is to know in this world — because quite frankly that is quite impossible, but one thing I do know, is the cold hard reality that in life, no one is going to come up to you, pat you on your back and tell you ‘now you are qualified to make something of yourself.’

I’m not sure how many people are still waiting for that pat on the back to happen but I’m not the kind who likes to wait around for PERMISSION because it is just too troublesome and it means having to seek approval from too many people (some of whom you might grossly dislike).

I like to think of what I do in life as being driven by MISSION instead where it is up to you to reflect and to take stock of what has transpired in your life so far, to draw inspiration and strength from the experiences, and to apply those insights, ideas and ideals that drive you towards enabling you to create the kind of work that only you can create.

I don’t profess to knowing everything and I can be critically aware of that.

That does not stop me from turning up right now and sharing what I've learnt over the past 10 years or so, where I've explored, experimented and expressed myself outside of the so-called ‘conventional education system’ to learn, develop and become the person I am today.

I choose to share what I've learnt because I believe there is value in it and I believe that others can benefit from the message and in being equipped with the means to make something of themselves and adopt a more aware and congruent approach towards how they live their lives.

Despite the sometimes difficult challenges and circumstances I find myself in, I honestly believe that it is my privilege and good fortune to have had the experiences I've had and to have had the opportunities to learn the things I learnt.

I had the chance to dive into the deep end and experience what it’s like to ‘network at a business event’ at the age of 16 at The Global Brand Forum 2004, alongside C-level executives, I had my first papers published in the kind of trade journals professors and marketing experts get published in at the age of 18. I went from failing at Math in school at the age of 15 to speaking at an international student conference in Harvard at the age of 25 and addressing a room full of C-level executives in Vienna at the 4th Global Peter Drucker Forum and having my comments quoted in The Financial Times.

I say this not to impress anyone, because the truth is, ‘achievements’ can be impressive if we choose to believe them to be, and less than impressive if we decide to sniff at them in disdain or envy.

It doesn't matter to me if it means nothing to you. For me, it means something to me because they serve as milestones and visual reminders for how far I have come since I was 15 years old and feeling quite terrible about myself for my perceived failures and inability to perform well at a subject that most of my peers had no problems with.

It’s not so much the matter of ‘what’ was achieved that matters because that differs from person to person and everyone will in time create their own remarkable achievements.

What’s important is the ‘how’ — which relates to the approach, the principles and the ideas, ideals and intention guiding you and who you are and who you become through the process.

You either become some one you are not or you learn how to become who you truly are and be comfortable, secure and at ease with yourself in public and in private.

Can you can look at yourself in the mirror and say, ‘this is who I am and this is who I want to be.’ Or have you sold yourself a bullshit image of yourself and can’t quite recognize the reflection you see in the mirror?

I think that’s what’s lacking within most conventional education frameworks or are often not being sufficiently emphasized or developed among our youth — the means to help them find themselves and be themselves.

And if I have had the good fortune of being exposed to the concept and real life application of such concepts into experiences and practices in my life journey thus far, I see it as my responsibility to share what I know with others and naively hope to make a living from it by selling enough books or running enough workshop sessions and getting paid to speak at events where I can touch more lives and inspire more people and build a community of people who share the same beliefs and approach to life.

There will be those who might remain skeptical and armchair critics, those who would dismiss the message just because they think the messenger isn't ‘impressive enough’.

I’m not sorry about that and I won’t go out of my way to impress you because that’s just not what my message and my approach is all about.

It’s about being authentic, it’s about being congruent and it is about having that strength in belief in who you are, what you stand for and what you truly believe in.

On the opposite side of the same coin — there are people who buy into a message or any message without really thinking about it just because the messenger spouting it ‘looks impressive’.

Some people have of course, responded positively to what I do with encouraging words of support and expressions of how ‘brave’ and ‘courageous’ I am, and also in acknowledging how tough it can be — I am thankful for that recognition and for the encouraging words of support, even as I sometimes wonder if I am just being foolishly steadfast and stubborn.

I've come to realize that it doesn't really matter what people might say or think. What really matters is what is going on in my head at that point in time and that often has a huge bearing on the way what is being said, is being interpreted.

We might all be just bullshitting ourselves and deluding ourselves in one way or another. Some people might still believe that I’m bullshitting for a living and it’s their choice and their right to believe what they choose to believe in.

I choose to believe in the value of what I’m doing and stand by the importance of my work. I refuse to be judged or to be swayed by armchair critics.

I think I know what I’m doing, I don’t think I’m deluded (I might be in denial).

But if all of us are indeed deluded in one way or another and trapped in a massive matrix or delusion, then I would exercise my choice to believe what I choose to believe in, by buying into the delusion that change is possible, that the world we live in requires us to step up and become who we are meant to be as authentic, congruent individuals, as opposed to becoming yet another bitter, skeptical armchair critic who settles for less because he or she does not believe in their own potential for making a difference and impact in this world.

To all those who have made me uncomfortable in one way or another, you were all lessons and blessings in disguise. Thank you all for making me uncomfortable because that allowed me the opportunity to reflect upon the source of my discomfort and to come to terms with it.

THANK YOU FOR READING!
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The Story of Alec is about Alec, an alpine parrot who grows up in the City of Prakmatik and uncovers the 5 locks in life and eventually breaks away from them to live A Life of Congruence.
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