Trauma Is Not Your Fault — And It’s Not Personal Responsibility To Heal

Photo by Shannon Potter on Unsplash

I’ve been thinking a lot about a phrase that’s floated around the personal development world for a long time. I used to think it was motivational and inspiring, but I no longer do.

The phrase goes something like this:

What happened to you wasn’t your fault, but healing is your responsibility.

Sounds innocent, right?

Except…not so much. Though the people who use this phrase are probably well-meaning, if you think about what it implies, and if you consider the possible feelings of those who are on the receiving end, you might begin to see it differently.

You might begin to see it as a subtle form of gaslighting.

The unseen impact of trauma

People who have lived through traumatic experiences carry invisible injuries. They struggle with emotional pain. They may blame themselves. They may loathe themselves. I’ve even heard it said that PTSD is a form of brain damage.

There’s no need to remind them of their ‘personal responsibility’; they are likely already feeling it, along with all the blame.

That is a lot to deal with.