If you’re not following Tracee Ellis Ross, you’re so missing out.
I’m still contemplating her words from a couple weeks ago at BetterUp’s Uplift 2024.
Tracee Ellis Ross took the stage for the final plenary session of the day to talk about Perseverance and Purpose. She is an accomplished actress, producer, director & founder/CEO of PATTERN Beauty, a haircare company for the curly, coily & tight textured masses, and an amazing human being.
Cesalina Gracie, the 8th Brazilian woman to summit Mount Everest and a Jiu Jitsu expert, interviewed Ross. Listening to the two talk felt like watching a conversation between two close girlfriends. I was captivated, particularly by Ross’ authenticity, confidence, and humility. Yes…. I totally want to invite her over for a glass of wine (or several) so we can just chat for hours. I digress.
I cannot remember the last time I soaked up so much compassion and wisdom in just an hour. Let me say it this way, Ross gave a WORD… a series of mini masterclasses that I’m compelled to share. There were so many takeaways, but I’ve whittled this list to my top four.
#1: On Style: “Dressing is a complete language.”
I beg of you, if you care even a teeny weenie bit about fashion and style, follow Ross (@traceeellisross) on Instagram TA-DAY. Every moment not following her is one without the joy that comes from her unique and unpredictable style. And listen, it’s not important how many times I’ve pulled pieces from my closet trying to replicate one of her outfits. What’s important is that her style is FLY enough to make me do it and be completely unapologetic about it in the public sphere.
Getting beyond the fashion and on to the style, Ross discussed how she used it as her armor. Dressing, for her, is a complete language. It’s a way to enter a room and exude confidence, competency, and intelligence. It’s a defense in the face of the microaggressions she experienced when sitting in her appointed seat at somebody’s corporate table. And on that note Ross shared, “The seat at the table isn’t just for me — I’ll keep adding seats for others or I’ll give mine up so someone else can come to the table.” To be clear, that is a call to action for us all.
#2: On Fear: “It’s not that I don’t get afraid, I’ve just gotten comfortable being afraid.”
Embracing vulnerability in a way so uncharacteristic of someone who lives life in the public eye, Ross shared that she has suffered from loneliness throughout her life. Immediately, tears well up in my eyes as she shares her truth. Even as I write, my eyes cloud and finally release. Wiping my cheeks dry, a twinge of pain spreads through my chest because I, too, have battled loneliness for 30 years. I’ve experienced loneliness to be both emotionally and physically painful.
During this part of her talk Ross shared she “still aches for partnership” as a 51-year-old woman. What she said next blew me away. “The thing that scared me the most did not get solved, and I’m still great.” WOW. Goosebumps.
We (me included) often live in the mind space of “It will all work out eventually.” I do believe that to be true, however, I offer that we’re generally erring on the side of it working out as we desire the outcome to be, brushing aside the idea of anything less. Ross’ poignant words remind us that even when the outcome is what we don’t desire, we can still be great. Yaaassss!!! I’m convinced someone needs to hear that today. If that’s you, close your eyes for a moment, take a few deep breaths, and allow yourself to feel the relief that comes with knowing you can still have joy even when it looks different than you’d planned.
#3: On Not Giving Up: “Get quiet and go back to the basics.”
When people ask her how she keeps going despite the obstacles in her way, Ross offered, “Get quiet and go back to the basics.” Sharing that the breakthrough is the moment when something didn’t go well, Ross talked about meeting ourselves where we are. “You don’t have to jump off a cliff” to get to your destination…. She reminds us that we can take the stairs, maybe an elevator, or place a mattress to soften our landing. How often do you find yourself insisting there is just one way to do something “right” and it’s the hardest path possible? I’ve done it many times. For me, I’m a new entrepreneur yet for some reason I’ve been holding myself to a standard of success (to reach yesterday) others have taken years to attain. Ross brings to attention that we have a choice in our path — back to basics.
And, when in the midst of a challenge, Ross strives to employ grace, suggesting we hold and love ourselves or lean on loved ones to help pull us back from the ledge.
#4: On Purpose: “My job is to be of service to my dreams and others.”
What???!!! That first part… “be of service to my dreams”? I have never heard that said before. The focus is most often on the “others” part. I cannot possibly express how deeply this statement resonates with me. Ross brought together in unity our purpose in support of ourselves and others. In that one sentence she gave us all permission to remember service to ourselves. Have mercy…. My eyes are about to sweat again. Those words give me peace and make me feel loved by ME.
Ross discussed that we can further our service by joining “the chorus of people who are making it safe to be who we are.” If you’ve read my book, Fiercely Joyful, you know I call that chorus your True Crew. They are a vital part of your support system and without fail, they welcome you as you are. In fact, if you try showing up any other way, you will be checked by your True Crew. Amen for that!
She shared that her self-reflection related to her service is “Am I making the world better?” Imagine what the world would be like if we only did the things that resulted in an unequivocal YES.
By the end of the fireside chat, everyone in that room was either a new or bigger fan of Ms. Ellis Ross. I didn’t know I could come to appreciate her more, but I do. What a blessing to have experienced her in this way. She epitomizes the type of woman I strive to be. Her personality and big laugh are infectious. She stands in her truth. She stands in service of her dreams and others. What more could you ask for?
To be inspired, follow Ross on Instagram (@traceeellisross) and if you’re a curly, tight, or coily haired human like me, check out PATTERN products.
