The Power of Choice: Embracing Life’s Pivotal Moments

As I reflected on the highs and lows of my life, I realized the importance of pivotal moments. My own pivotal moments that led to life-changing outcomes opened my eyes and helped me recognize that I am in control of my destiny.

The truth is life is not a linear path; life has peaks and valleys, and it also has pivotal moments. Valleys and peaks can be a circumstance or a pivotal moment.

So, what is the difference between a pivotal moment and a lucky or unlucky circumstance?

Let me explain that difference.

When you look back on your life, you recall a pivotal moment when you had to make an important decision. At that moment, you stood at the proverbial fork in the road and had to decide whether to go left or right. You chose to go left or right without knowing the outcome of your decision. The decision was not a spur-of-the-moment one, although it may have seemed that way at the time. You probably debated this for a while; you considered the pros and cons before making your final decision.

Life’s circumstances are out of your control; you cannot decide what will happen in certain situations. An example of a circumstance is simply meeting a person. A pivotal moment is your decision to get romantically involved with that person.

If you are forced to make the decision, it is an unfortunate circumstance. Your decision-making is always involved in a pivotal moment; you are in charge. If you are not deciding, it’s a circumstance.

Pivotal moments are not circumstances but decisions that you make in those circumstances. You cannot separate decision-making from pivotal moments. A circumstance might bring you to a pivotal moment where you will need to make that decision.

There is no right or wrong decision. The decisions you make at your pivotal moment are the right ones for you at the time. Some of them may take you down a path you did not expect or hope for. Creating pivotal moments does not happen overnight; they are cultivated over time, sometimes over years. The road to a decision is filled with uncertainty and fear. Once the decision is made, the road chosen might be tough.

Here are my 5 tips to help you decide in a pivotal moment, helping you gain clarity to transform your life. Make sure you do this writing exercise in a quiet place and give yourself plenty of time to think and reflect.

1. Write down the two decisions you need to make.

2. Write down the pros and cons of each.

3. Write down what potentially might prevent you from making either decision.

4. List any data points to support the pros, cons, and challenges.

5. Make a decision that is right for you.

As you can see, the steps of a pivotal moment include a build-up to it and the actual decision. Once it is made, you will have a feeling of peace with it and feel lighter. This doesn’t mean the decision-making process will be easy. You will need to draw on your courage as it’s still the unknown. You might believe in the rightness of your decision but how it will unfold is the unknown.

In 2000, I moved to the United States from Canada for love, and I felt good about that decision. I was a naïve and excited 30-year-old female who believed that this love would last forever. In the first year of marriage, I found out my husband was a hardcore gambler who opened up credit cards to feed his habit. Even with this discovery, I still decided to stay with him. I could have returned to Canada; however, I decided to stay after evaluating the data and hoping for a positive outcome. As a hopeless romantic, I was not ready for divorce yet. I also knew that my job opportunities in the USA were much better than those in Canada. But, at the time, I did not know how much better.

A second pivotal moment in my life defined my career in telecom. In the early 2000s, dot.com collapsed, 9/11 happened, and the job market in the USA was challenging. I got offered a temp assignment to cover a 3-hour receptionist shift at a budding telecom startup. On the day of my assignment, my ex-husband decided to go gambling and wanted me to cancel. However, I decided to follow my intuition and values and drive 3 hours each way to complete the assignment. That one decision landed me a receptionist job that evolved into a Chief of Staff role and later helped me move into marketing and learn on the job. A pivotal moment 20 years ago led me on a path to become a telecom executive.

You see, a life-changing pivotal moment doesn’t have to be a huge event; rather, it is an internal shift that will transform you and your life. Going for that temp job was my first step toward leaving the controlling relationship. I needed the ability to support myself.

Another pivotal moment in my life was when I found out that my ex-husband was cheating. He was cheating in a way that was diminishing me. It crushed me, yet I gave him another chance and stayed as he promised to stop gambling. That pivotal moment, that decision to stay, gave me my only child, my son. When I was making that decision to stay, I was hoping that the marriage would change. I knew, though, deep in my heart, that it could not because of the control and verbal and financial abuse.

Domestic abuse takes many different shapes. It took me two and a half years from when my son’s pediatrician shared the abusive woman hotline number until I was finally ready for the pivotal moment and made the decision to leave.

A pivotal moment might put you in a bad place. Do not blame yourself for the decision you make. Do not judge yourself. Accept the pivotal moment. There are no right or wrong decisions; they are the right decisions for you at the time.

Fifteen years ago, I couldn’t have imagined that I would be where I am today. If you meet me in person, you will meet an underdog who overcame adversity to rewrite her story as an immigrant woman and an entry-level worker. I am an overcomer who is now on a lifelong journey to advocate, support, and empower others to recognize their pivotal moment, make the right decisions, and find purpose.

It is during the pivotal moments that might seem to exist to break you that you have the most significant opportunity to change your life. Never underestimate the power of your decision.

Don’t let fear and sadness govern your life. Take a chance on a tough decision. Asking for help is courage. People want to help people that want to help themselves. Listen to yourself. Complaining about something without taking any action is a sign of fear, fear of making the wrong decision. So, once the decision is made, stick with it. Let it unfold.

Through cloudiness, I trusted myself to make the best decisions for me. My decision to finally leave my first marriage gave me control, and he lost control over my son and me.

That pivotal moment freed me. It can free you too.

So, if you look at your life, personal or professional, you might recognize a few pivotal moments from your past.

You get accepted into two colleges, a larger school and a smaller one. You made a decision on where to go, and you feel good about it. You decided on a big school. You hope for the best. However, after a few months, it turns out the big school is just too big for you. So, you are faced with another pivotal moment: staying or leaving.

You never know what would have been if you had taken another path. Once you start on the chosen path, the circumstances could change. You might get new data, and you might find yourself at a new fork in the road.

If you are deciding to leave the college that no longer suits you, you are making the decision based on new data that is helping you make another decision that is best for you, despite what people might think or say.

If you’ve made a decision that no longer suits you, you can change it. First, gather new data that might help you consider making another decision. The decision to be made needs to be based on the new data, not other people’s opinions. And of course, not because you question the old decision.

Remember this lesson when your back is against the wall and the only way is forward. Remember that you must keep going. Think through your why. Is it really what you want out of your life? Ask yourself: if I made this decision today and not the other, would I be happy in a year from now with that decision? Once you have the answer, move on and find harmony with the decision. Whatever you use, a prayer, writing, meditations, conversation, research — as long as the decision is yours, it is a pivotal moment.

Your life will always be moving and evolving. Nothing stays the same as the moment as you are reading this. You might find an answer to help you make a decision for a situation in your life.

This reading might contribute to your pivotal moment, to a decision you will make today or someday. The pivotal moment doesn’t happen overnight; it is comprised of many different aspects, decisions, and inputs. It’s a force that comes through you, all those drops of water becoming one powerful force.

Worksheet: Pivotal moments of your life

Looking back at your life, try to distinguish between a circumstance and a pivotal moment where you had to make a life-changing decision. Understanding your past pivotal moments will help you recognize future ones and make the best decision for you. Consciously embracing the pivotal moments of your life can positively impact your creation of a fulfilling life.

List a pivotal moment of your life:

What were the 2 decisions that you had to make?

What decision did you end up making?

What were the pros and cons of the decision?

How did that decision affect your life?