Treat yo’ self
A lesson in the filling up your own well
How can you take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself? What happens if you’re so depleted and so drained that there’s nothing more to give? How are you helping anyone that way?
I’ve been thinking about this idea a lot —that loving all humanity all includes loving myself. Since, I’m pretty sure I’m human. I do think that all humans should strive to be kind and giving, generous and compassionate in our daily lives. I think that I can do that without completely drying out the wellspring of my own happiness.
I’m not talking about radical selfishness or Ayn Rand’s bullshit here — I’m saying that you should also treat yourself as you would treat others — with kindness. It’s like the flip side of the Golden Rule.
Be forgiving of your mistakes. Encourage yourself to try again when you’re having a hard time. Give yourself time to rest when you need it. Try to eat well and exercise — or whatever you need to feel healthy. Carve out time to do something you enjoy. Make the space for you to grow. Don’t be afraid to say no when you really want to.
I read in a book called The Power of a Positive No (it was for class and yes, it sounds cheesy, but it was actually pretty good), and in it, author William Ury, introduces the idea that saying “no,” can actually just be saying “yes” to something else, something your my best interest.
The next time you struggle to say no to others — out of fear of disappointment or disapproval or what-have-you, then consider this: what are you saying yes to?
When you say no to staying out past midnight and you have serious #FOMO, you’re actually saying yes to getting enough sleep and not feeling like garbage the next day when you have to get up early.
When you say no to that extra project at work, you’re saying yes to your time and to making sure you aren’t getting too stressed out to do your regular job.
When you say no to something or someone that makes you feel unhappy or uncomfortable, you’re saying yes to your own self-worth.
I’m not advocating being a selfish prick, nor am I advocating that you shirk responsibilities or avoid everything that make you uncomfortable. What I’m saying is that there are a lot of people out there (myself included) that are very empathetic, who take on extra responsibilities, who overextend themselves, who try to keep the peace at all costs, who all-too-often prioritize everyone else’s needs over their own — these are the people who need a reminder from time to time that it’s OK to say yes to you. It’s OK to refill your well so that it doesn’t dry up. It’s OK to treat yo’ self.
