Blame The French

Kissing is easy enough. I’ve kissed lots of people. Mostly relatives, but still, I’ve done it a thousand times. You’re born knowing how to do it. Babies make pucker faces and raspberries all the time. It’s the french part, I just don’t get the french part that part. What does your tongue have to do with kissing? Why did the french have to complicate things?

Aaron said Sally Jensen wants to kiss me, this should be the best day of my life. Sally Jensen wants to kiss me! I’ve sat behind her for 6 months in social studies. Every time she leans forward and I can see her underwear I get a boner. Like the uncomfortable kind. I think about her in the shower.

Oh, Sally Jensen!

I heard from Brett Hill that a bunch of girls had a sleep over party and practiced french kissing on each other. I don’t know if Brett was trying to ask me to practice with him or not, but I don’t think I do— want to kiss him I mean.

I just want to french kiss Sally Jensen and not be so bad that she never talks to me again. Or runs away. Or laughs at me. Or that I just die, right there. Dying with a kissy face is not how I want to go.

I think If I just try it once, I can learn. I’m a fast learner. I beat the time temple in Zelda in 2 hours. I can learn this. I can learn this. I can be a good french kisser. Right? Life used to be so much simpler.

Oh, Sally Jensen. Maybe we can just hold hands?