Bait

If you’ve even thought about buying a used car then you’ve heard of a bait ‘n switch. Ya’know, put the nice car with the almost too-good-to-be-true price tag up to draw ’em in then when they get here, “whoops! Sorry folks, we just sold that one, but let me show you this nice little shit box with $2500 of mark-up”. Now, sometimes when a salesman pulls that line he’s telling the truth, no joke. But not me. I’ve crackadacked more customers in my day with that trick than I can remember.

So, today I see an Up walk through my door. Prettiest little thing I’d seen on my lot in a while. I’m watching her walk around lookin’ at my stock, watching those hips and that ass, and lo an’ behold she comes over to me asking about the bait.

“I’m sorry ma’am”, I say, “I just sold that one. Damn website must not have updated yet.”

“Oh,” She pauses for a second, and presses her lips into a pout “well, do you have anything similar?”

Hot damn, I got another one. Even get to enjoy the view this time.

“Sure do, follow me out this way,” I tell her.

“She even smells good,” I think as she walked ahead of me on the lot.

“What about this one?” She says, pointing at an old Kia.

“Yep, I was actually thinking of buying that one myself,” I wasn’t, “but if that’s the car you want then anything for my customer.”

She looks thrilled.”Can we drive it?”

“Fuck, I hope the tape holds on those wires through the drive.”

“Sure can! I’ll grab the keys” I say and retrieve the keys from inside. She turns the ignition and thankfully the car starts after turning over a couple of times, “you know how finicky car batteries can be in the summer heat” I say and laugh. She buys it and laughs with me before putting the car in gear and pulling out of the lot.

We’re cruising at a good clip when she turns and asks me something, but I can’t hear her over the car. Suddenly I feel a brush against my arm as she leans in and asks again, “how much is it?” She’s soft in all the right places and I’ve always had a weakness for brunettes, but I can stay focused.

I’ve got it listed for $4500.00.

“$6500 ma’am, but for you I can do six,” I reply. “Oh, and turn right here.”

“Oh that’s not too bad.” She says, as she continues straight passed the turn.

Now, normally, I’d be bothered by that sort of thing, but today, if all I have to do is drive through an office park with this absolute ten to make three G’s, then sure, why not?

We drive down the winding indiscernible streets of the office park for another five or ten minutes before I see a street that I recognize. I’m about to tell her to turn right, when she leans over against my arm again and says, “I don’t know much about Kias, are they nice cars?” She’s batting those big blue eyes, and her lips plump so nicely while she’s talking. I want to imagine all the things she could do with them but money’s on the line and I really need to focus.

“They sure are. They’re kind of like the Korean Mercedes-Benz. Oh and we’re gonna wanna turn-” we shoot past the turn before I can finish my sentence.

We keep driving for another five minutes and pass out of the office park and into the industrial part of town. Now I’m starting to wonder when exactly this girl plans on turning around. “Let’s turn around up here,” I say.

“Sure, there’s a parking lot up here that we can turn around in,” she says, but something’s a little different now. Her full, pouty lips seem a little thinner, more tense.

We finally bump along into the dilapidated parking lot and she throws the car in park, bringing us to a lurching stop. She turns her face close to mine and looks me directly in the eyes. Now, you wait right here,” she says and slides her finger down lips and chin. I watch her hop out of the car and trot around the back and then I hear voices, her voice for sure, but also deep, low voices.

“He took the bait guys!”

“Good, is he still in the car?”

“Yep, he’s in the passenger seat. Have fun boys.”

“Perfect.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then a clink and a dragging sound. I look into the side mirror and see thick tattooed bodies, holding a tire iron, and dragging a pipe. I move my shaking hand to lock the doors and then nothing.

Fuck. I guess the tape didn’t hold.