Forgive-n-Forget

Jesper tapped his fingers on the over-varnished wood, coffee cooling at his elbow. He watched the wisps of heat as they abandoned him, blown away by every word from the woman across the table. Her red lips danced like worms on hooks, she looked in every direction except his, and the fluorescent light flashing on her lacquered fingernails was about to give him a migraine.

If this was her at baseline, he thought, he wasn’t sure his services could help her poor husband. He decided to gulp down his temper before it bubbled over, and reached for his coffee.

“You see what I’m saying, right? You agree with me?”

He hadn’t even gotten the mug to his lips. He set it aside again. “Mrs. Ronner,” he said.

“Jill, please,” she said, crossing her arms. “Or Miss Cassidy. I’ll be back to that soon, anyway. No ‘missus.’ Please.”

“Jill,” he said, smoothing his tie and setting a manila folder in front of him. “Believe me, if I found my wife in bed with another man, I’d probably be through the roof too. But I’d also hope that someone would lock me up long enough for me to calm down, remember I love her, and fetch us an F’n’F’er.”

“I don’t want an F’n’F’er,” she said, as clear-eyed and clear-spoken as she’d been all morning. “I want a divorce. I thought you were supposed to be on my side, here.”

“Of course I’m on your side, Jill,” Jesper said. “But I have a social obligation as well. I don’t have assets to protect like you do — There isn’t an entire economy riding on my marriage hanging in there.”

Her nose flared. “You’d be just fine.”

“Fine? Trying to sort through every bankruptcy that came through my door? You mean I’d get fucking shot.” He coughed, finally took a drink of tepid coffee, and collected himself. “If you’ll pardon me, Miss — Cassidy. It’s simply in everybody’s best interest that you and Mr. Ronner — “

“What is she doing here?”

The voice boomed through the cafe like a revving hummer. A man in a navy suit had appeared in the doorway and was marching toward their table, an accusing finger out like a gun in front of him. Jesper’s nose wrinkled, the man’s presence somehow adding to the acrid scent of over-roasted coffee.

“Mr. Ronner,” he said.

“Ryan,” Jill said.

“Lawyering up with my lawyer behind my back, huh?” Ryan said, planting his hands on his hips.

“You mean our company’s lawyer,” Jill said. “Which makes him our lawyer. Period. Before you get pissy about it may I remind you that you’re working very hard to keep it that way?”

“Please, have a seat, Mr. Ronner,” Jesper said. He was eager to get this over with, and to not see another one of Ryan’s power-stances for a very, very long time. Ryan rolled his eyes and pulled up a chair across from Jill. Jesper, firmly between them and more resentful for it, folded his hands. “Do we need a moment to review?” he said.

“No,” Jill said. “I want out. That’s it.”

“And normally I’d start drawing up papers, but —”

“Why do you jump right to that?” Ryan said. “I screwed up, but Jill, it was one time!”

“By one time, do you mean one woman?” Jill said. “Because it definitely wasn’t ‘one time,’ unless you want to argue that you literally had your dick in her for six years. I might honestly buy that.”

“Jill, I am sorry,” Ryan said. He moved his hands around the table when he talked, like he was playing a shell game and trying to bring everyone else in on it. “I don’t know how many more ways to say it, but it can be totally over. We’ll both forget about Sarah, we’ll replace her with — With — God, I don’t know, a cruise? Maybe we went digging wells in Rawanda for a promo or something, you’d love that.”

Jill’s wide eyes snapped between the two men. “Am I really the only one who is absolutely mortified by this?”

“It is best practice,” Jesper said. “We’re talking about a billion-dollar procedure or a billions-dollar divorce. Maybe economic collapse, while we’re at it.”

“We’re talking about becoming radically different people!” Jill said. “We’re talking about carving out half our marriage, just nuking all your shit! Can we at least start there, by admitting that this is all about you?”

“It’s about us, Jill,” Ryan said. “About our companies, our employees, about the whole fucking country! But if we swept every inessential thing off the table, you know what would be left? You. Just you.” Jesper buried his face as far into his mug as he could manage. “I mean it. I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with me.”

“I want it to actually be me being happy,” Jill said, putting her hands in her lap. “If we get an F’n’F’er, we won’t really even be talking about us anymore.”

Jesper took a breath. “Ryan said the same thing, last time,” he said.

Jill looked up at him, white-faced. “What?”

“It’s true,” Jesper said, sitting back as Ryan’s mouth dropped open. “I was hoping this wouldn’t have to come up, but I think he deserves fair hearing, here.” He rifled through the folder, pulled out a sheet of paper. “Ryan may have had one long-running indiscretion, Jill, but at the beginning of your marriage you had three.”

“Three?” said Ryan.

“At the same time.”

“How dare— !” Jill shut up as soon as Jesper put the file in front of her. “But — But, we were in Madrid that week. We’d extended our honeymoon, we — “

“Were getting F’n’F’ed,” Jesper said. “Because you had a fight. You got drunk. You had some company.” He took the file back. “Intending on being caught, if I recall aright. You said… Ah. ‘I just wanted to make him mad. I knew we could get scrubbed. It was only one night.’”

“Fuck,” she whispered. Ryan looked sick.

“But,” Jill said. “Even if I did say that — Six years? Can we really compare one weekend to six years?”

“I can’t help you there,” Jesper said, stowing his files in a briefcase and snapping it shut. “I’ve already been regrettably unprofessional, and I think it’s time to step away for a while. It’s up to you, Jill, how much grace you can give Ryan in this case.” He stood up. “And you’re right, six years’ worth of Forgive-n-Forgetting isn’t cheap, but neither is a full-on recession. You’ll have to measure this—and your marriage — against a lot of other details. Just like your husband had to.”

Jill stared at the center of the table, even as she stood and pushed her chair in. “I need to think,” she said, taking her purse. She didn’t look at either of them, only headed towards the door, heels clicking hollow behind her.

“You think she’ll cave?” Ryan asked.

“I think so,” Jesper said. “She did last time.”

“Good to hear,” Ryan said, reaching into his pocket and handing Jesper a roll of large bills. “Nice touch on that write-up by the way, I’m amazed you were able to come up with that so quick.”

“Hm? Oh. Right.” Jesper pocketed the money and picked up his briefcase. “Try to make it a little longer this time, huh?”

Ryan laughed. “Even if I’m getting F’n’F’ed again I think the lesson’ll take. I’m planning on there not being a next time.”

Jesper smiled at his shoes. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, you said that the last time, too.”