I escaped drug hell on my own
I was a suicidal drug addict, here’s my story:
I was 11 years old when I had my first alcohol excess.
I was 12 years old when I smoked ganja.
I was 14 years old when I smoked weed all day.
I was 15 years old when I tried psychedelics.
I was 16 years old when I’ve quit school.
School wasn’t fun at all, the only fun we had was by smoking weed and passing out, drinking booze and rapping in a circle.
Me and my back then friend stumbled up on SoundCloud rappers, seeing them living the life that we desired.
Money, drugs, sex.
This is all we wanted.
We made the decision to become musicians.
Bought a laptop bought a microphone started rapping and uploading music to SoundCloud.
We got more into the scene of the rockstar lifestyle.
Everyone was rapping about Xanax, Lean, Weed and more.
This is where our interest sparked.
It didn’t took us long to figure out how to order drugs in the darknet.
The music we were uploading got a little traction.
My first song made 2000 clicks, it was called 2000 joints.
The music was shit haha.
But this gave us hope.
All we did was meeting up, smoking weed, drinking alcohol and making music.
The more often we made music and the deeper we got with our weed addiction, the more often we started abusing other drugs, like lean and Xanax.
Those substances are highly addictive, this is why almost all of us got addicted ha ha.
It’s not funny, but yeah, it is somewhere.
Anyways, the addictions got worse. The music got better. We got more traction, and every one of us really believed that we are going to make it.
Lil Peep was my biggest idol, I had my first tattoo in school when I was 15 because of him.
He inspired me to live a similar life to his.
He was making music about heartbreak drugs, suicide and depression.
Because he was such a big idol for me I started to attract pain into my life.
Everything got worse, my mental got worse, my relationship with my girlfriend got worse.
And the insane part, I was liking it.
I was liking the fact that everything got worse because I could make music about this.
It was a downward spiral of me chasing pain and drugs.
The addictions got so bad when I was 17 I really started to get suicidal.
I had the dream to die age 21.
Get cake, die young.
This was my lifestyle, and the chance of getting out of this after being stuck inside of this downward spiral for eight years is 0.01%.
I’ve got out of there.
And I’ve never believed that it’s possible.
My girlfriend back then told me she’s gonna leave me if I’m not gonna quit.
She was the only thing keeping me alive, this was when I was age 19, and I was really really suicidal and depressed that year.
I had two decisions.
Keep her and try to quit.
Or tell her that I won’t quit and kill myself afterwards because of the loss of her.
I decided to quit, in the back of my mind I had the thought of going back to drugs in a matter of two weeks.
The first two weeks of withdrawal were so devilish insane, that I started to get a grip of how fucked up my life was my mental and my body.
I started to realize how damaging my lifestyle was, and the suffering was so intense that I didn’t wanna make this any worse.
I’ve slowly, but surely changed my perspective and thought about actually quitting forever.
Then I had a seizure, you can read the post here:
Anyways.
It is possible no matter what, and no matter where you are stuck in, that you can change.
1000 odds can be against you, but you can change.
Because deep down, we are all true fighters.
Keep fighting.
Thank you for reading.
Lenny
