Authenticity: Sit at the lunch counter in your life, write about what you know, and surprise yourself
Put yourself in a new situation every day. Sit at the lunch counter in your life. You’ll learn about others’ stories and what engages you as a listener. Practice developing self-awareness in novel situations. You have little to lose and much to gain. What’s it like to be in the presence of someone new? What’s it like for them to be in your presence?
Sitting at the lunch counter in your life, actually or metaphorically, gives you a chance to hear new stories and share your own. Fine restaurants have the chef’s counter, where you can sit up close to see locally harvested, gourmet food expertly prepared. Or there’s the sushi bar where you can sit side by side with fellow sushi lovers. The communal table is making a comeback, and a dining experience we typically have at Thanksgiving with family and friends.
Most cities have a Le Pain Quotidien restaurant with a big wooden table where you can dine with strangers. In my town, it’s usually empty unless the private tables are all taken.
I remember sitting at the lunch counter at Woolworths when I was about twelve years old in my home town of Needham, Massachusetts. I paid for my milkshake with my own “tip” money that I had collected from the customers on my paper route. Every Friday, I rode my blue banana bike and went door to door collecting subscription fees for the daily Patriot Ledger I had delivered that week from my cross-shoulder canvas bag. I sat alone at the lunch counter and ordered a milkshake. It was welcoming and not intimidating to someone with a few quarters and no experience in fine dining. It was my first independent dining experience. I don’t remember talking to anyone new, but it was still a breakthrough moment for me.
I didn’t hear a story that day, or tell my own, but I got a sense that simply sitting there opened me up to new possibilities. Last February, I got my family to agree to sit at the lunch counter at the Newport Creamery in Newport, Rhode Island on a cold, grey winter day.
Let’s take a look at the very unique and unusual “James Pond” to get a sense of what I mean by authentic storytelling. We never would have heard his story if we hadn’t taken a small risk…Saying yes to sitting at the lunch counter.
“The guys at the bait shop call me James Pond,” said our newfound friend.
“James Pond” told us his story of swimming along the ragged, rocky shoreline of Newport’s Cliff Walk, harvesting crabs, and even getting into a run-in with the “Crab Sheriff” over the size of the crabs in his bucket. He knew every detail of his story because he lived it every day when the weather was good enough for him to be able to swim and harvest. His story was relatable, believable, and compelling.
He believed in what he was telling us and it came through. Your story has to be about what you know…your journey.
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. My son wrote a college essay about “making” frozen pizza. Sounds kind of ridiculous right? Well he did “make” it every day after cross country practice. So he wrote about how he prepared the pizza with olive oil and pepper flakes. It was meant to be humorous, but it worked. He received a note from his regional rep at a top college saying “I really liked your pizza essay. It made me laugh” and he got into that most competitive college.
Taking time out to listen to the stories of others, can help you to come up with your own authentic stories. Whether it’s listening to a stranger, a friend, or a relative at your Thanksgiving dinner table. Ask yourself what it’s like to be in this person’s presence when they are storytelling? What can you learn from them?
We all have different areas of expertise, no matter how mundane or idiosyncratic it may seem to you, it’s your content area of expertise that you can develop your story around. Take a look at Richard Dreyfus when he reveals his expertise in Jaws:
He loves sharks and knows everything there is to know about them. His idiosyncratic knowledge directs the movie. He’s the only one beside Quint who knows anything about them.
It’s typical that the story college or job applicants tell can make them sound like everyone one else around them. Even though this may be safe and a best practice, it doesn’t distinguish you from the herd.
Finding your story, the one you’re going to write, create a video about, respond to a video prompt with, or perhaps elaborate on in a college or job interview is not always an easy task. What you think is “your story” may be the one you tell yourself or what your parents or a well-meaning friend may have coached you on to “get in” or get the job. Think again, though…usually our story is a few layers deeper than the obvious. We all have common experiences and obstacles we overcome as kids and adults. Your unique perspective and experience is what you need to share. Getting to your core stories and identifying one of them takes some time, soul searching, feedback and practice.
Conor Grennan, Dean of Students at NYU Stern School of Business, talks with business students informally and regularly about their aspirations and goals. “People come to talk and bounce ideas off of me and to get advice. They have a pitch ingrained in them usually to place them in their chosen field or job,” he shared, but “…by doing that they tend to sound like other people around them. They try to put their story into the context of why [they] would be a good fit for a consultant, investment banker or a marketer job.” However, after talking with them for a while and asking them about other aspects of their life — like how did they get to Stern? what are some other jobs they have had? — Conor observed that the students start to share authentic experiences that really bring them to life. Conor listens and usually has an “ah-ha” moment when he thinks, “Dude, that’s your story! Not the one you first told me!”
Pixar Story Artist Emma Coates tweeted: “Pixar’s 22 Rules for Storytelling” and concurs with Conor’s observation that applicants need to dig deep regarding what story they should tell. Tip #12: “Discount the first thing that comes to mind. And the second, third, fourth, fifth — get the obvious out of the way. Surprise yourself,” tweeted Emma.
Here’s an example of a “Surprise yourself” story. An investment banker “wanna be” came into Conor’s office and started with the pre-rehearsed pitch about why he was a good fit for the field. He talked about how he had worked for the SEC, and what he did there. He showed that he had good and relevant experience. Conor asked him what he was doing before business school, and the student shared that he had been in the army before attending Stern. He had worked as a tank commander. Conor started asking him more and more questions about what it was actually like to make decisions in this role and to describe how he did this looking through a periscope.
As the conversation went on, Conor told him, “You need to get rid of that SEC story. It’s just a boring story. This is much more applicable to what you’re going to do.” The student said, “I know it’s interesting but it doesn’t really apply to what I’m going to do. It won’t help me get a job.”
Well it’s likely that this unique tank story will help this applicant stand out and get hired:
The tank commander story is unique, exciting and one that most competitors won’t be telling. Your gatekeepers are not likely to forget you if you can conjure up your own unique “tank story”. Whether you’re James Bond, James Pond or just you, identify your core knowledge areas and build your stories around them.
I hope you enjoyed this post — if you want to connect, you can reach me here via email Kimberlya.norton@gmail.com or connect with me on social: LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Also, you can find my bestselling book, STORY: the art of standing out on Amazon — here is the link to buy it:https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H94D3L1.
