Death and I have a very indifferent relationship. None has feelings for the other — @shirasozo #MisimuZangu
I laugh a lot…. I LAUGH at some things, I laugh at most things laugh at everything, and sometimes I laugh at nothing.
I have no “dark story” to share today, just love and laughs here.
people ask me why I laugh a lot, why I’m always laughing, where I get that strength from, why all the puns, be serious with life, bla bla bla…
I don’t know about you but lemme share something small(natafuta psych na haikam bana)
My life was darkened sometime in 2007–2011, I joke, it was way earlier, but try remembering what happened before you lost a friend to death ( a close one) every year around the same time and then tell me how I am still alive, I knew I would die at 22 Especially after the death of my Best friend, I was ready to go, still am, when I’m not sure. the thing is death and I have a very indifferent relationship, none has feelings for the other, at all, I grew numb to it, I Hardly mourn the death of a loved one anymore, i just go like, it is well, and move on , faaaassst. recently… just recently The fear led me to end something beautiful…. which is the reason of this post….
Anytime someone attempts to come close, (Closer than the barricades I have put outside my heart, closer than the happy go lucky me) I push them away, I am still working on getting over the fact that death robs me only of those I love most, just when I’m abiout to let go totally, death swings by like, juuuust kidding, and just like that I am forced back to where I was.
I am a tough man to Love, I hardly allow people( ladies) to love me, I love deeply, it is allowing peeps close that is a struggle, I at times struggle feeling lovable, blame it on me though, Go back to a boy and try attracting girls with curly hair and lovely looks with a lightskin to taste, have the words to draw them close till they get close enough to smell the odour you carry, till they see patches of their faces on your wet maroon shorts, try having a bladder like mine that could hold nothing, not even a light convo, carry the tag of having a sweater around your waist to cover the mess you made. Wake up every morning to insults and disgruntled complains of when will you ever grow back, sigh, you are 14 now, In high school, your mum says you are a man now, you revel in that dream for a while till you are slapped to reality by the angry screams of a form four, your liquid made its way to his bed, you ruined his sleep, forced to wash his beddings and hang them to dry ( every morning) laughed at by classmates, daily.
I can’t say how much I struggled through high school with my loose bladder issues,hahahaha , gal bladder-why you do me like this?
My childhood memories of parents and mostly relatives trying all manner of stuff to RECTIFY ME… boss, countless injections, herbs (some medical some not) I lost count of the number of times I licked the hoofs of baby goats and sheep straight after they were born ( I was told it heals, Imagine the Image of a 15 year old still giving that lick one more shot, maybe it would work this time)
So yeah, I am fine now, the bladder grew too, I found my Manliness IN CHRIST, He healed me, I am still learning to love me, then love you, so if I PUSH you away, stay close,I AM STILL LEARNING TO BELIEVE THAT NONE OF US WILL DIE ON THE OTHER, let me grow, then we’ll glow…
