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Internal World

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

While I’m sharing, if you feel what I’m going through
If you can feel the feelings of the experiences I’m going to share with you
If my spirit touches your spirit
Please, take that opportunity to thank the God of your understanding.

I believe it takes an act of God for humans to get outside of themselves for a minute and listen to another person, let alone feel another person’s feelings.
We’re so self-consumed and so self-absorbed.
It’s so hard to stop the noise inside ourselves to possibly hear a word that you’re saying.

To be one with another human being is a true act of God.

Feel each other’s pain
Share each other’s joy
It’s a miracle.
It’s an experience of the miracle.

-Kathy H. from Philly

Recently, I’ve been connecting with my Inner Child. I start by asking questions to myself in a notebook with my non-dominant hand and exclude background noise. I learned this assignment from Adult Children of Alcoholics. I patiently wait for Jonathan to speak aloud with safety and security. Clarity is the finest description for our interactions.

Yesterday, Jonathan felt safe enough to express his favorite song, hates when I drink coffee, doesn’t like to watch My 600 Pound Life, and is terrified of my first poetry manuscript (Unworthy of Sanity).

Jonathan conveyed his deep fear of vulnerability and lack of trust with me. I have a child who needs bottomless love and attention because I’ve neglected him throughout my mental health challenges. I do not disagree with Jonathan; I welcome his experiences.

Positive thinking and emotional awareness are imperative to our work together. Reinforcing optimistic language, practicing the “smile meditation”, stretching, and starving my Inner Critic is breathing in faith over fear. I have two halves that live inside of me, False Self and True Self. Jonathan lives inside of my True Self and Inner Critic lives inside of my False Self. At times, I live in a False Reality, which is made of confusion, negative thought patterns, and addiction. I tend to ask myself, is this thought harmful or healing? I tread lightly on my Inner Critic’s opinion. I do not dismiss my Inner Critic; he is there for reasons that no longer serve me well. True Self is full of love, compassion, integrity, respect, and optimism.

I am full of an internal world that I have tapped into. I will continue to take care of Jonathan; in return I will channel my Inner Loving Parent to be gentle with myself.



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