Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash

Are You Enjoying This, Or Just Being Kind?

Here’s the best way to be honest about your level of enthusiasm.

“Is this something you want to be doing? I mean, are you actually enjoying this, or are you just being nice to me right now?”

How how do you respond to this?

Do you put on a fake smile and say, “I’m loving it!”?
Do you say, “To be honest this isn’t fun for me, but I know it’s fun for you, so I’m doing it anyway”?
Why are they making it so hard to do something nice for them?
What’s the best way to handle it?
Do they not want you to do nice things for them?

What’s the subtext?

First, let’s read between the lines to get to the emotional tone. What’s their real question behind the question? Here are a few possibilities:

• Fear—will you be resentful later? Punish me for it?
• Anxiety — Will you expect something in return? What will you feel entitled to later?
• Shame — It can be uncomfortable to receive and I sometimes focus attention on your happiness rather than my own.